I feel a need to pull myself back a little, and cultivate some skepticism. 

I’ve been leaning very heavily on the “belief” side of my agnosticism lately and I feel like I need to chill. Personally, I maintain agnosticism for spiritual reasons and I will lose those benefits if I go full theist. 

I definitely like the feeling of belief. It makes me feel like I am never alone. It’s comfortable.

But I don’t think Lucifer, if he exists, wants me all that comfortable, and if I don’t exercise my skepticism I’m pretty damn sure he will pull away from me until I have to. 

So: Lucifer. Not even sure he’s really a thing. His very name is the result of a mistranslation. The passage it appears in (Isiah 14:12) might be about a human king anyway. He bears striking resemblance to various pre-Christian deities and mythological figures, and the name I call him by previously belonged to the Roman god of the morning star. 

In fact, the more you study, the harder he gets to pin down. Connections have been drawn between Lucifer and: Prometheus, Icarus, Dionysus, Apollo, Pan, the goddess Lucina/Saint Lucy, even Christ himself– and pretty much all of that just in The Luminous Stone. Some think he’s but one aspect of a single being named Satan. 

Some think him a sun god, others the god of the planet venus. Steiner says he lives on the Moon. Maybe that’s no more ridiculous than any other claim that involves Lucifer’s literal existence. 

Most of what I feel to be true about him is influenced by works of literature, not by scripture– which may be nothing more than fiction itself, anyway. 

I have had experiences, but they could easily have all come from my own imagination, or from coincidence. 

Maybe Lucifer is just a name I chose to invoke when I learn hard lessons the hard way, or when realization hits me like a stroke of lightning. 

Maybe Lucifer is just a fantasy figure, an archetype that I like.

If so, that’s fine. So be it, be it so. 

Lucifer, if you are there and you are real, this, too, is an offering to you. I give you my doubt and my critical thinking.