Tag Archives: personal

I am overly fascinated with the life of Aleister Crowley right now. Even though he was a complete fuckboy and honestly a bad person, I still find myself fiercely envying him. Mostly because I wish I had the resources to buy a fucking mansion in Loch Ness just to do the Abramelin in it. 

Also, “crossing the abyss” by power-bottoming in the Sahara while possessed by a demon is a Mood. 

Story time

I was at dinner with my dad and my little brother tonight, both of whom are major foodies and excellent cooks. They were literally nerding out about a really good local fish market. I had a question for experienced fish purchasers, which had been on my mind for awhile, so I tried to ask as casually as possible: “So, uh, do you think it would be possible to obtain, like, uh, for example, the heart and liver of a bass?” 

Silence. Everyone looked at me really weird. “Is this for something Satanic?” my little brother asked.

I flushed and said in a tiny voice “It might be!”

Everyone cracked up, and my dad told me that if I bought a whole bass and asked to keep the entrails, he would cook me a delicious bass for dinner and then I could do my ritual. 

Anyway I love having an accepting family. 

(And if you know what the heart and liver of a bass is good for, then you know I hope not to have to do this ritual anyway but I’m thinking it would be good to have those in the freezer just in case.) 

Alchemy (for Fools like Me)

The Magnum Opus— the Great Work of Alchemy— is the work of becoming perfect. It is the work of Apotheosis.

Stage 1: Black.
You burn. You die. It is the dark night of the soul. You become as ash, and yes, it will hurt.

You are initiated. Reborn. Nothing is the same. You are not the same. For that, you grieve.

Stage 2: White.
You are silver now. This is purification. The pale moon in the black night. Finally, some light.

But oh, you didn’t think it would hurt? Think again. Purification implies removal. All that did not serve a purpose is stripped away. You will lose more. You will grieve more.

As the statue emerges from the marble chipped away, so you are emerging. Except that’s not stone under the chisel. It’s your soul, and every cut is agony.

Don’t resist it. You are being refined. Defined. Coming into focus. You are finding out who you are.

Stage 3: Yellow.
Now you are gold. The sun has risen. All that you are has become integrated, symbolized by the divine androgyne.

You are yourself. You see yourself. I think you might even like yourself.

Does it hurt? Probably. I’m not there yet. I don’t know. I can’t tell you much about becoming gold.

At best, I might be silver.

At worst, I am still ash.

Stage 4: Red.
The philosopher’s stone, something so perfect it perfects all things, so pure it purifies all things. This is you, now, I guess.

What is it like to be this? To be translucent and red and perfect beyond perfection? Who can tell you about it?

Ask the Gods, some of them might know.

And if you do, ask them for me:

Does it hurt?

TL;DR of my last post: Remember The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Sometimes you don’t think magic is all that powerful. You think you’ll only get one animate broom, if that. And then suddenly you have three million animate brooms and you are drowning in the waters of your own confusion and ignorance and feeling like Mickey Mouse in an animated short. 

(Amusingly, the old tale of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice was also recounted in Compendium Maleficarum. Witch hunting manuals have so much accidental wisdom in them.)

Skepticism Must Cut Both Ways

I haven’t made a long text post in awhile. This is because my life has been crazy– particularly my magical/spiritual/religious life. I’ve wanted to share about it, but have been too raw, and haven’t known where to start. 

So I’ll start here, with an important lesson I’ve learned. 

If you want to dabble in magic but have a healthy skepticism about whether this is all “real,” that’s fine. That was me for a long time. But there are dangers to this attitude, and I am here to give you a warning about it. 

True skepticism is open-mindedness. Think about how good science is actually done: you have a hypothesis, but you don’t wanna be too married to it because it will skew your interpretation of results. And if your hypothesis is wrong, you have to be ready to throw it out. 

If your hypothesis is “magic isn’t real,” magical experiments may prove you wrong. You ready for that? 

I’ve done some things not truly expecting them to work, or not expecting them to work very well, because I still felt foolish and thought I was probably kidding myself about any of this stuff being real. 

The problem with that is… what if it works? 

Are you ready for it to fucking work? 

If you go into a spell or ritual with too much skepticism, that means you may not be mentally and emotionally prepared for it to have real, powerful consequences. Even sending out a prayer that you don’t truly expect to be answered can have this effect.

And if you’re too cynical about results, you likely haven’t thought through all the potential repercussions, and that can be devastating. 

For example, I prayed for Lucifer to destroy all of my illusions. Yep, all of them. I’m an idiot. 

Just a couple weeks later I have quit a job I loved, and broken up with my boyfriend who I also love to pieces, because I became incapable of ignoring the ways in which those lovely things in my life weren’t healthy for me anymore. How much more in my life is based on beloved illusions? I may be about to find out, even though I feel like I’ve already lost pretty much everything I have. 

Are you ready for something like that?

Related, I did that Black Baptism in May. I did it in the spirit of occult experimentation, basically customizing a supposed Satanic Witch Initiation I found in Compendium Malleficarum. I had no idea if there was anything to it, given that there was a good chance it was just based on false confessions extracted under torture. So I decided to jump on that grenade– try it, and see if it worked. 

I still admire that reckless, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants spirit of experimentation that I had going into the ritual, and I don’t regret self-initiating and giving oath to Satan. However…

…did you know that initiation involves spiritual death? 

Yeah, spiritual death. Hard to describe if you have never been through it. Feels about as painful as it sounds. Imagine shedding parts of your identity that don’t serve you anymore like so much dry skin. Imagine suddenly becoming a completely different person, and realizing you need completely different things than you thought. 

Then imagine how painful that process can be for all the people around you. 

If your identity died and you were reborn as something new, would your old life be set up for that new person? Chances are, you just can’t know the answer to that until it happens. We don’t get to pick what we are reborn as. 

If I sound naive, chaotic and disorganized, it’s because I honestly am. I’ve been at this for a couple of years and have done a lot of reading, but I am not and never have been part of any structured magical tradition. The Devil is my initiator and he doesn’t always play nice. He also knows the only way I tend to learn is “the hard way.” I signed up to be repeatedly astrally gut-punched by Lucifer, and I knew he didn’t pull his punches, but intellectually knowing that and actually finding out how hard Satan can hit you are different things. 

So I am begging you, dear skeptics and cynics who like to do magic to see if it will work (but kinda don’t expect it to):

Be ready for it to go either way. Maybe nothing will happen. Maybe ALL THE THINGS WILL HAPPEN. You’ve got to be prepared. 

And uh, please don’t try my Black Baptism ritual, or any other initiation rite, until you’re sure you’re ready. It might change your life. It might change you. And it won’t necessarily start changing you right away, or change you in the ways you expect. When I did the ritual itself, I had a lot of powerful emotions, but I didn’t have any flashy visions, or hear the voice of Satan, or feel him touch me to leave a Devil’s mark. I thought maybe it had been nice and personally cathartic, but not magically effective. I was wrong. The Devil’s Mark is on me now, and I am still figuring out what that means. 

I love you all. Hail Lucifer and also Thanks Lucifer, You Absolute Motherfucker. 

Story Time

So, I used to work at a small, queer business that I really loved, and that has a lot of small, queer business-related struggles. It almost closed permanently earlier this year, and during that scary time I did a lot of money spells for it, and asked Satan and Naamah to protect and help the place. This is just necessary background info.

Fast forward to now. A couple days ago I got some VERY weird tarot cards that I was pretty sure weren’t directed at me. I did a reading from another deck to confirm, and they sent the same very strong message that didn’t seem applicable to my life: there was a backstabber, and a business was in serious danger. Since I’m self-employed and there isn’t currently anyone who can really backstab me in business, I was very confused about how this applied. 

I got on pendulum and Lucifer confirmed that the message was not meant for me, and was in fact meant for my ex employer.

I messaged my ex boss, who thankfully is a Thelemite and down with the woo, and told them that the Devil had a warning for them. 

They had a suspicion about who might be holding the backstabbing knife. Lucifer confirmed via pendulum that those suspicions were correct. They thanked me. 

Twenty minutes later an email chain emerged showing the exact guy implicated by the readings going behind my ex boss’s back and doing some really sketchy stabby shit. 

I am pissed of course, but also my mind has been blown once again by how fucking spot-on Lucifer always is. 

Gallery

I performed a black baptism on myself last night. I am officially oath-bound to Satan. 

I feel fucking amazing. It was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had. I am born again to the flames. 

I’ll post the ritual script later. Here are a few pics. 

Support fellow witches! Let’s get to know each other.

left-hand-path-notes:

awake-by-the-moon:

Reblog this is you are a witch and answer these questions!

I will answer my questions too.

1. Are you a religious witch? If so, what religion do you follow?

2. If you work with any deities, which ones do you work with?

3. Do you write your own spells?

4. What is your sun, moon and rising sign?

5. What type of witch are you?

6. What types of magick do you do?

7. What time of the day/night do you do your magick? Any specific hours/ time-frame?

8. What are your favorite crystals?

9. What are your favorite types of spells?

10. How new are you to the craft? & what brought you to it?

11. Do you have a familiar?

12. Favorite divination methods?

13. In the broom closet or out?

14. Are you an LGBT+ witch?

15. Do you believe in past lives? If so, do you know anything about your possible past lives?

16. Do you have any other family members that are witches or Wiccans?

17. Do you have any friends that are witches or Wiccans?

18. Are you a witch that suffers from any mental illnesses?

My answers:

1. Yes, Wicca

2. Hecate, and recently I have just started with Hades

3. Yes, always

4. Capricorn sun, Sagittarius moon and Libra rising

5. Hellenistic/Hellenic “nocturnal” solitary… omni-ish??? Ok yeah labeling this isn’t working.  I am quite interested in being a “death witch” though.   

6. Candle, crystal, lunar, sigil, dreams, sort of elemental, and more that I actually don’t know “terms” for.

7. Night. Late night. Or really from the times of 8 pm to 12 am

8. Moonstone, lapis lazuli, howlite, hematite, black tourmaline, garnet, jet, and I have more crystals but I haven’t connected with them yet.

9. Candle spells are my favorite. I always incorporate candle magick into every spell I create and do.

10. I first discovered Wicca and witchcraft about 3.5 years ago. I only got serious about it about 2 years later. I don’t remember what brought me to it. I kinda just google searched my beliefs and Wicca came up, and I felt like my life was pieced together since I have always been a witch my whole life. I have such stories from young childhood.

11. I have a cat. The best cat. But she isn’t just a cat. She is my familiar. She helps me and protects me during my spells.

12. Astrology, numerology, dreams, and I am starting to read up on palm reading, oh and I am dying to get a pendulum… or 7.

13. Out!

14. I am a lesbian and a witch, and a Wiccan.

15. I do believe in past lives. I do know some things about my past lives.

16. My sister is a witch.

17. I have 1 christian witch friend, 2 wiccan friends who are new to it, and another who is an ex-wiccan, but still loves plants and crystals.

18. Yes. I suffer from ADHD, bad bipolar ii, panic disorder/attacks, and I have a past of the worst social anxiety, suicide and depression. The hospital and partial inpatient and outpatient programs were my home I swear. I was there all the time.

1. Are you a religious witch? If so, what religion do you follow?

Yep! I am a theistic satanist!

2. If you work with any deities, which ones do you work with?

He gets annoyed if you call him a deity, but I follow Lucifer.

3. Do you write your own spells?

Yuppers!

4. What is your sun, moon and rising sign?

Cancer, Gemini, Taurus

5. What type of witch are you?

The demon worshipin’ kind!

6. What types of magick do you do?

Spirit work, enchantment, blessings, curses, divination.

7. What time of the day/night do you do your magick? Any specific hours/ time-frame?

Whenever. I want to start using the solomonic days/times, but I have limited spoons.

8. What are your favorite crystals?

I, um, do not have favorite crystals. I am bad at crystals. I see a nice rock and just, that’s my rock now.

9. What are your favorite types of spells?

Enchantments. I love taking ordinary shit and slapping magic on it.

10. How new are you to the craft? & what brought you to it?

Been in all my life! My parents brought me into it!

11. Do you have a familiar?

I have a hell goblin in the form of a tiny black cat whose “fuck shit up” switch is broken off in the “on” position.

12. Favorite divination methods?

Pendulums and cards!

13. In the broom closet or out?

Out!

14. Are you an LGBT+ witch?

Yup! Trans and pan!

15. Do you believe in past lives? If so, do you know anything about your possible past lives?

Yes, I do believe in past lives. But I don’t know anything about mine, nor even if this is my first time out or nah.

16. Do you have any other family members that are witches or Wiccans?

Sister and brother are witches, rest of my family are mystic catholic. Basically witches, but they believe Jesus gives them their powers and that their magic is better than yours. Oh and if you call them witches to their face, they get really bent out of shape.

17. Do you have any friends that are witches or Wiccans?

Lots!

1. Are you a religious witch? If so, what religion do you follow?

I’m a theistic Luciferian Satanist. 

2. If you work with any deities, which ones do you work with?

Lucifer and Naamah, currently. May begin working with other members of the infernal pantheon soonish. 

3. Do you write your own spells?

Always. 

4. What is your sun, moon and rising sign?

Virgo, virgo, and weird libra/scorp cusp situation

5. What type of witch are you?

Satanic. Inspired by chaos magick and legends about Satanic witchcraft in Europe. Dabble in ceremonial magic and I have a little kitchen witch in me. Wait, I think the word I’m looking for is “eclectic.” 

6. What types of magick do you do?

Divination and sigil work, mainly. 

7. What time of the day/night do you do your magick? Any specific hours/ time-frame?

Whenever. 

8. What are your favorite crystals?

Moldavite. This bottle-green stone was probably created by a meteor impact. If you work with that guy who fell from Heaven, you can probably see the parallels. That shit is POWERFUL. Otherwise, though, I am honestly not a huge crystal fan. 

9. What are your favorite types of spells?

Sigils! I use that shit in everything. 

10. How new are you to the craft? & what brought you to it?

I’ve been reading tarot and doing dreamwork since childhood. I got more interested in it again after becoming a Satanist. 

11. Do you have a familiar?

Yep, little black cat named Wednesday. 

12. Favorite divination methods?

Tarot and pendulum. 

13. In the broom closet or out?

Out.

14. Are you an LGBT+ witch?

Yep, I’m trans and bi. 

15. Do you believe in past lives? If so, do you know anything about your possible past lives?

I kinda don’t believe in past lives, actually. But no hate. 

16. Do you have any other family members that are witches or Wiccans?

Yeah, my mom’s a witch. 

17. Do you have any friends that are witches or Wiccans?

Only pretty much all of my friends. 

18. Are you a witch that suffers from any mental illnesses?

ADHD, PTSD and depression. I’m also in recovery from addiction. Wheeeee.