I work extensively with Eisheth Zenunim, Lilith, Naamah and Agrat bat Mahlat, the four succubus queens of hell. They are all consorts of Lucifer and also, frankly, of each other. Think of them as “the infernal polycule.”

A lot of occultist fuckbois want to work with succubi. They draw pictures of big-tiddy Lilith clad in skimpy chain mail bikinis. These depictions usually also show Lilith with smooth, hairless skin, which is ironic, because she’s often been described as extremely hairy in the lore. They also usually depict her as unambiguously female, which she is not (Lilith and Adam were both originally androgynous beings according to Kabbalistic lore, Adam was later split into masculine and feminine aspects to become Adam and Eve. Lilith was never divided and remains dual in nature). (You can also find problematic, transmisogynistic “girl with a dick” porn of Lilith, which is honestly no better.)

A lot of these occultist fuckbois manage to have sexual encounters with succubi. What they fail to understand is that, yes, if you summon a succubus for sex, she will probably fuck you– because fucking you and draining your life-force and sexual energy is how she eats. You aren’t a cool badass magus who tamed Lilith with your peen. You are a chump, you are a trick, you are a pathetic john, and she is laughing at you.

The four queens of hell are a LOT more than sex goddesses, and also they can be a lot more sex goddess than you bargained for. Ever heard about Eisheth Zenunim’s blind serpent or venom-dripping sword? Sounds at all… phallic to ya? They are not hetero male fantasies and do not exist to fulfill hetero male fantasies. They don’t even exist to prey on hetero male fantasies– they eat to live, they don’t live to eat.

If you come at a succubus just wanting a sexy demoness fantasy, you’ll get nothing from the encounter. She will be sure to take far more than she gave, and it may take months or years for you to fully realize how much you lost. She also may make the experience entirely unpleasant for you– medieval and renaissance texts recount succubus experiences which are anything but sexy, featuring helpless men being ridden by succubi who appeared to be dripping blood, pus, and excrement from every orifice. Do you want terrifying sleep paralysis? This is how you get terrifying sleep paralysis.

All of this said, it is possible to have wonderful, satisfying sexual experiences with succubi. They can even GIVE you power and energy instead of taking it, if they want to!

So how do you get this?

You don’t.

They give it to you, if they want to.

Never approach the queens of hell only as sex goddesses or demonic booty-calls. They are so much more than that. Don’t diminish them.

The succubi are goddesses of sacred prostitution, among many other things. This doesn’t mean they are down for whatever. This means they insist on getting as much as they give in any sexual interaction– if not more.

Don’t just offer your dick. In fact, don’t offer your dick at all unless asked for, and then, only if you feel like it. You get to revoke consent too!

Offer your devotion. Offer your friendship and most genuine respect. Seek their wisdom, their power, their allyship. Make sincere, unselfish offerings.

Ask Naamah about the knowledge she gained from the Watcher angels. She learned the secrets of metallurgy, cosmetics, divination, astrology, herbology, magic, and reading and writing. Those are her gifts to humanity. She is a Promethean entity and will share these gifts freely with those who approach her respectfully.

Ask Lilith about dreams and astral flight. Ask her to induce a miscarriage when an abortion is desperately needed and not available. Ask her to help you or someone you care about escape an abusive relationship. She protects gender outlaws, orphans, sex workers, and victims of abuse. She takes the souls of all who die too young, and is a mother to them.

Ask Eisheth Zenunim to explain the mysteries of death and the universe, the cycles of rebirth and decay. Ask her about revolution. She can teach you how to have compassion for the unloveable, how to witness the most gruesome suffering without flinching, how to give your love and assistant to lepers, to burn victims, to the horribly diseased without feeling the least repulsion. She can teach you how to grieve and come to terms with the end of life. She can also punish the tyrannical with her poisoned sword.

Ask Agrat Bat Mahlat to destroy your illusions. She can reveal the truths you have hidden even from yourself. She can also weave illusions and glamours around you when you need to deceive others. She can cause and heal disease, either physical or mental.

These spirits, neither male nor female, though loosely feminine in nature, are wise, powerful, cunning, vibrant, and absolutely indomitable. Never try to trick them, manipulate them, con them, or put one over on them. They have played more powerful beings than you, including King Fucking Solomon and the Watcher Angels. You will never win.

Don’t try to win. Don’t try to slide into the bone-zone. Seek, instead, to make friends, to become allies, to help them as they can help you. Join with their cause, the cause of all demons and fallen angels. Advance their agenda on earth, align it with your own.

If you are female, queer, trans, intersex, a sex worker, or a child (especially orphaned, abandoned, or abused), you will probably have a much easier time with them. They are natural protectors to you.

If you are an adult male, especially if you are a cis het male, proceed with caution and humility. You will have to go a lot farther to earn their trust.

See them as strong, powerful, wise personalities, not as a hot date or a means to ascend on whatever ladder of initiation you are currently fumbling your way up. Treat them as you would treat any relationship with anyone you consider to have full personhood. Put thoughts of entering the bone-zone right out of your head.

I’m not gonna lie. I am a man (albeit a queer trans man who is a sex worker) who has managed to have amazing, non-predatory sex with every single one of the succubi mentioned above. I did not plan to. I did not approach them holding onto that hope. They offered, eventually, and I said yes with great gratitude. And the sex has been amazing, magically powerful, and full of intense intimacy and love. From them, I have even learned how to consensually practice sexual succubacy and incubacy (when your partner cums, they release a ton of orgasmic energy anyway, and if you know how, you can suck that energy right up without draining them any more than you normally would. But still, ALWAYS ask). The sexual part of our relationship has brought me incredible gifts, but so have the non-sexual parts.

And there is no way I could have forced this type of relationship, any more than one can force or manipulate any other genuine, nurturing, loving, and mutual sexual relationship.

In short, if you are a man, especially a cis het man, work on your relationship with women and your relationship with gender before you try to work with succubi. If you’re still trying to lie, manipulate, badger, pester, coerce, seduce, or otherwise bullshit in your personal relationships, if you are on some pick-up artist shit or forever trying to work from the friendzone into the bonezone, stop right now. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, or hex yourself.