I am experiencing some spiritual whiplash right now, from going so quickly from “agnostic-ish” to hardcore theistic. I’ve heard proximity to death will do that to you. The veil feels a bit torn right now, since the suicide of my friend.

I’ve asked myself many times in the past weeks if I am going crazy, and I am monitoring myself very carefully. 

But this isn’t a breakdown. I’ve had breakdowns. My functioning in daily life is excellent, my mood is very good but not manic and generally stable. I’m taking my meds consistently, performing well at work, socializing normally. I’m definitely not dissociated– in fact, I feel more connected to my body than I have in years. 

No, this isn’t a breakdown. I accept that I may be suffering from a delusion, but if so, it’s merely the benign delusion known as “intense spirituality.”

In other words, I’m not crazy. I’m just…

…Religious as hell.