A funny thing happens when you make a pact with the Devil. 

I self-initiated months ago. Since then, I’ve been put through literal hell. Almost every single part of my life was uprooted– my job, my relationship, my bands, my sense of self. Hell, I even re-evaluated my sexual orientation. Nothing is as it was. 

I walked through heartbreak, fear and doubt. I grieved, hard. Many times, I wanted to give up, to just lie down and die.

Yet now, as the smoke finally clears, what do I see?

I see myself on the verge of being accepted to seminary. I see my beautiful partner (who also self-initiated shortly after I did and also ended up losing pretty much everything in short order) getting ready to move in with me. Everything is coalescing towards our common goal of founding the church and sharing a life together. 

It’s as if everything has been ripped away, except for our deepest hearts’ desires. All that remains is a shining purity of purpose. 

The way is clear. As my tears dry, I rejoice. 

When the Devil is your God, you go through hell. But it’s so good and you come out so much stronger.