Author Archives: Antichristos

Met with someone from admissions today. Went very well. Should know in two to three weeks if I was accepted.

It is absolutely insane how strongly I feel the presence of Lucifer here on Berkeley’s Holy Hill, among all these churches and seminaries. Here he is the shade beneath every tree, the cool darkness in every empty chapel, the hush of the library. He is the wind that blows the dead leaves along. And most of all he’s in me, black-clad and out of place, wandering between plots of hallowed ground.

I know I am supposed to be here. I just know.

A funny thing happens when you make a pact with the Devil. 

I self-initiated months ago. Since then, I’ve been put through literal hell. Almost every single part of my life was uprooted– my job, my relationship, my bands, my sense of self. Hell, I even re-evaluated my sexual orientation. Nothing is as it was. 

I walked through heartbreak, fear and doubt. I grieved, hard. Many times, I wanted to give up, to just lie down and die.

Yet now, as the smoke finally clears, what do I see?

I see myself on the verge of being accepted to seminary. I see my beautiful partner (who also self-initiated shortly after I did and also ended up losing pretty much everything in short order) getting ready to move in with me. Everything is coalescing towards our common goal of founding the church and sharing a life together. 

It’s as if everything has been ripped away, except for our deepest hearts’ desires. All that remains is a shining purity of purpose. 

The way is clear. As my tears dry, I rejoice. 

When the Devil is your God, you go through hell. But it’s so good and you come out so much stronger. 

literallyaflame:

atheists who get Extremely Mad when confronted by any form of ‘mysticism’ make me so tired…. like…… this world is rich with strange, unique ideas. it’s so utterly human to cling to the patterns of stars, to worship the moon, to imagine unseen forces as human reflections with life and personality. there is no harm in exploring these outlandish theories!! for the most part, it’s not ‘Crazy People Insisting They Know The Future’. it’s just people— regular people—seeing reflections of themselves in oral history and stars and playing cards.

let people have their fun. none of us know dick shit about how the universe works, anyway.

Seminary updates

Just got word that all of my references have sent in their letters of recommendation, my transcripts have arrived and my application is officially complete. I have a meeting with someone from admissions tomorrow and have been invited to prospective student week in November. 

I don’t know yet when I’ll get a definite answer, but I have a really good feeling about all of this. I think I have made a very positive impression and hope to continue doing so. 

My Feelings Concerning Lucifer

witchofremnants:

Lucifer is pride. But that doesn’t mean he is unkind. Lucifer
knows his worth and expects those that work with him to know their worth, too. He
will test you and help you become the best that you can be. Lucifer doesn’t
want blind devotion. He wants his followers to be well versed, questioning,
curious, and determined.

I adore and admire Lucifer’s strength and ambition, and yes,
even his pride. He is willing to teach those that want some sort of
relationship with him. His personality is, well, radiant, and he knows it. He
is charismatic and cunning. He has much to teach if you would listen. Lucifer
wants you to be worthy. He wants you to be able to think for yourself and come
to your own conclusions about the workings of magic and the world. He wants you
to learn and to use what you learn in your life.

Lucifer is all about free will. He doesn’t want to force
anyone into a path that they do not want to be on. He wants you to learn that
it is okay to say “No” and that you have a choice in the matter. Lucifer wants
you to be your own person and make choices that you are confidant and
comfortable with.

Lucifer is frightening. He is rage and vengeance. He will
raise up his sword and strike down those that dare insult and attack him and
those he claims. Lucifer’s anger is something to be wary of. He is not one to
typically lose his anger, but once he does, he will not rest until the perpetrator
– whatever that may be – is destroyed. Lucifer is one that is not to be trifled
with.

I quote the show that bares his name, Lucifer is not evil,
he “punishes evil.” I have never known Lucifer to be the evil that the
Christians paint him to be. Even while I, myself, was a Christian, the light
that they painted him out to be seemed….wrong. I felt something with him. I never saw him as the “evil” one that they
wanted you to see. Instead, I saw him as he saw himself: Betrayed. I believe
that this is the reason why Lucifer made himself known to me. He was ever
patient and waited until I was certain that I was ready and willing to talk to
him.

Having the connection I have with Lucifer is warm and
reassuring. I adore him and I am ever happy to work with him and develop our
connection even more.