I have been needing to start this series of posts for awhile. Every single one of them will be convoluted and hard to write. Please be patient with me, I feel the need to reveal this part of my story and spiritual background. This first post will be long, but still only a crude overview. 

So: I went to school in a cult.

Now, there are cults and there are cults. This wasn’t a terribly abusive one. It was a damn expensive one, and it was also very immersive and consuming. My feelings about it aren’t completely negative. I have some positive memories and I took some good things from the experience. I look back on my education with a complex mixture of fondness, disgust, exasperation, amusement, contempt, and gratitude. 

Perhaps you’ve heard of Waldorf Schools. From the outside– and even from the inside, much of the time– they appear quaint and eccentric but basically innocent. The children aren’t allowed to watch TV or use computers. They do a silly looking form of interpretive dance called Eurythmy. When they are younger they play with little felt gnomes and draw with expensive beeswax crayons. When they get older, they participate in ancient Greek sports such as discus and javelin throwing. In sixth grade, everyone learns to ride a unicycle, for some reason. The classrooms are painted in soft, lovely colors, and each features a “nature table,” a sort of seasonal nature altar. Children don’t learn to read until they are in second grade. 

These are just a few of the harmless-seeming eccentricities of Waldorf schools. The media occasionally freaks out a little and runs sensationalist pieces accusing Waldorf, with its nature-altars and spiritualistic flavor, of “paganism.” Which is hilarious. Waldorf is many things, but it’s definitely not pagan. 

Surprisingly media-saavy Waldorf representatives are always at the ready to deftly counter such accusations. But if the writers of those critical pieces did just a teensy weensy little bit of research, they would encounter the real esoteric philosophy underpining all of Waldorf education– Anthroposophy. 

History time!

Setting: Europe, near the turn of the 20th century. Spiritualism and Theosophy are the big crazes. Holding seances in your parlor is a chic way to have a good time. 

Our “hero” is an Austrian dude called Rudolph Steiner. He’s involved with Theosophy for a little bit, but then decides to spin off and make his own occult religion. He calls it Anthroposophy. (”Theosophy” is “knowledge of God, “Anthroposophy” is “knowledge of man.” I am tempted to be a brat and start calling my shit “Diavolosophy” just for a tacky joke.) 

As far as I can tell, the basis of Steiner’s Anthroposophy is a heretical read of Christianity, ideas from Theosophy, random concepts like karma and reincarnation yanked from Hinduism, a big heaping helping of racism… and his own “clairvoyance.” 

(It’s actually really complex and esoteric. I went to Waldorf from kindergarten through 10th grade, so I have a pretty good foundation in the “surface” ideas of Anthroposophy and its core values, but they don’t tell us much about the actual occult concepts underneath. And I am resisting reading Steiner’s actual books, so much of my information so far comes from checking my experience against the site Waldorf Watch, which is heavy on the Steiner quotes and elaborately cited.)

To Steiner, Christ and the Archangel Michael (fun fact: we all had to pronounce it with three syllables, My-KYE-el) are the same entity, who is a “sun spirit.” Also reincarnation exists, and if you are really good, you end up reincarnating as a white, Aryan person. (There’s that big ol’ heaping of racism I promised! Way to appropriate a concept from Eastern culture and then use it to shit all over anyone who isn’t white.) 

Future reincarnations can be helped somehow by ritually waving your arms around, hence that weirdo dance called Eurythmy. 

DEMONS

Ahriman, a demon that Steiner associates with technology for some reason (actually a God from Zoroastrianism), is supposedly trying to force humans to abandon spirituality and exist on a physical plane. Hence the not watching TV or using computers thing. 

Oh yeah, also? In opposition to Ahriman, and yet somehow also working with him, is another demon. He’s trying to pull humans in the opposite direction– out of embodiment and into pure, overly theoretical intellectual and spiritual concepts. You might recognize that demon’s name. Just some fallen angel called Lucifer. (And he lives on the moon, or something, according to Steiner.)

To mediate between these demons, we need Michael/Christ, who according to Steiner cast down Lucifer in the form of the serpent of Eden, and does battle with Ahriman in the form of the Dragon. Waldorf students repeatedly watch little pageant plays about these two stories– The Paradise Play about the Fall from Eden, and the Michaelmas Play about Saint George and Michael defeating the Dragon. 

SO MUCH MICHAEL

Michael is a big fucking deal in Waldorf. Being conflated with Jesus helps, of course– but a lot of the focus is on the Michael aspect. 

We sang a shit-ton of little hymns and receited a bunch of “verses” (actually prayers, Steiner literally told his teachers to call the prayers “verses” so no one would realize his schools were religious) about Michael. Here are a few I remember.

Unconquered hero of the skies

Saint Michael

Against the foe with us arise 

Thine aid we pray

The foe to slay

Saint Michael 

The heavenly banner dost thou bear

Saint Michael

The angels do thine armor wear

Thine aid we pray

The foe to slay

Saint Michael 

Also: 

Michael with sword of light

Blaze in the darkness of earth’s long night

Archangel Michael with radiant glory shines above

Hero Michael will defeat the foe

(The first two lines of that one were sung as a counter melody against the second two lines. It was really pretty actually.)

Wind in the trees blows loud

For summer’s last song

Thrashing the branches

Pelting the leaves along 

Sleepers awake

Hark to the word of the wind

Breaking on summer’s dull drowsy spell

Show us the way

Point with thy spear before

Forge us the future

O Michael

That one was pretty as fuck, too. It was my favorite. I still catch myself singing it sometimes. 

There were more that I don’t remember in their entirety. There was a sort of crappy one that I think was an original composition by my teacher. I only remember the second verse:

From a little freshet something streams

Freshly new-mown hay and moonlit dreams

Float with water fairies down the streams

O Michael

O Michael

The dragon fell

The dragon fell 

Honestly, if you are a devotee of Michael and want the melodies of these songs for your use, I will fucking record them and send them to you. No hate. At least, not for actual Michael or his devotees. 

MICHAEL AND ARYANISM IN ANTHROPOSOPHY 

Unfortunately, though, hate is kind of part and parcel in Waldorf. According to Steiner we are now in the age of Michael, which supposedly started in November 1879. (Gabriel was in charge before.) Michael is here to guide us into our next stage of evolution. Sounds nice, right?

Well, for Steiner, evolution means Aryanism. In fact, according to Steiner, there should only be one race existing at any given period of time, and the continued existence of non-white races is the fault of Lucifer and Ahriman. (So, THANKS LUCIFER AND AHRIMAN! I have no fucking idea why Steiner thinks you’re the baddies, probably because he’s fucking racist.) By the way, reading the links about Steiner’s Aryanism can be really upsetting and triggering, if that wasn’t obvious. 

(If any of this sounds familiar, it might be because certain Aryan “Satanist” groups have really similar ideas about time spirits and entering an Aryan eon.)

Now, generally, they do not openly teach these ideas in Waldorf schools. The racism is more covert, but still not terribly subtle. Waldorf curricula are rightly under fire for being too “Eurocentric,” aka white supremacist. To which Waldorf apologists will point to the fact that students learn about Hinduism and Buddhism, for example!

Yes, it’s true that we learned a (probably bastardized Anthroposophical view) on Hinduism and Buddhism. We also learned the Torah, again through a similarly wack-ass pseudo-Christian lens. But what’s really telling is when we learned those things. 

You see, Waldorf children are taught about certain cultures in certain grades for a reason: because Steiner thought that children of a certain age were at the same level of sophistication as those civilizations. 

So for example, there was a lot of stuff about Native Americans when we were in fucking kindergarten. 

The Torah was for third grade. 

Hinduism and Buddhism came in fifth grade, the same year we were also learning Greek mythology. 

So yeah, for Steiner kindergarteners are the equivalent of all adult Native Americans. Third graders are at the level of the Hebrews. Etc. We never learned any African history or mythology at all– probably because racist asshole Steiner would have considered that to be at a pre-kindergarten level! 

When I was in school I had no idea why we were learning certain things at certain times. It’s only my adult reading that has revealed this part of the philosophy, and I am furious. 

The schools I went to were pretty damn white in terms of student body and also faculty. There was some diversity, but I realize now that a lot of gate-keeping was happening. The Eurocentric and Christian-flavored curriculum was generally a turn-off for Jews, Muslims and PoC, and the incredibly high tuition was of course an additional layer of racist/classist gate-keeping. 

I think I need to stop this overview post here. Next time, I’ll write more about what it’s like to be a clueless child inside of Waldorf– what Anthroposophy looks like on the ground, as it were. The picture I have painted here is obviously revolting, but it’s not the picture we were shown. In my next article, you’ll learn why Waldorf is so seductive– but also how it might be effecting small children.