Pride Rises

This was given as a sermon at Church of the Morningstar on 6/20/20.

13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:

14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.

What do you think of when you hear the word “pride?”

Do you think of someone stuck-up, conceited, full of themself?

Do you think of the month of June, a month of colorful parades and noisy parties, a month of riots and sequined dresses, a month of drunkenness, hook-ups, dancing, and resistance?

If you’re like me, you think of the Devil. You think of Lucifer as the angel of Pride. You think of the seven so-called deadly sins, but you don’t think sin, you think: virtue.

To me, pride is the virtue of from which all other virtues flow.

When I talk about pride, I’m not talking about being stuck-up, or thinking you are better than others, or thinking you are perfect.

No, for me, pride is about being in love with yourself.

Not infatuated. Nothing so delusional or narcissistic or temporary.

I mean deep love, true love, honest love. The kind of love where you see yourself as you really are. You accept yourself just as you are, yet still, that love makes you want to be even better.

To be proud is to love yourself the way a sculptor loves a block of stone, to see the beauty of the raw material and to desire to explore it deeply, chiseling it, shaping it, refining it, calling forth the work of art that dwells within the rock.

That’s Satanic pride: the worship of your highest self.

Pride like this lets you own yourself. It teaches you to say yes, I am worth it!

Without that kind of pride, you cannot revolt against your oppressors. If you aren’t too proud to serve, then you will never struggle to be free.

Pride like this lets you kick down the closet doors and claim your truth, your beauty, out in the open, out in the world. This kind of pride lets you say: here I am!

Pride like this makes you realize you’re too good to behave badly. When you look at your failures through the eyes of pride, you will burn with the desire to correct them. You will need to conduct yourself in a way that reflects you, the real you, in a way that makes you shine—a way you can be proud of.

When you love yourself like this, for all that you can and should be, then you can love other people that way too— recognizing each other as extraordinary beings with unlimited potential, saying to one another: thou art God.

Pride makes us demand more of ourselves, of each other, and of the world—and it makes us do it with love.

Pride is also a type of gratitude: a gratitude for yourself, for all that you are and all that you could be. Life is too short to waste it apologizing for yourself! You only live once in this body, in this time. Relish it, revel in it! Make of it something beautiful.

The mighty want us hanging our heads in shame. They want us cringing, afraid, closeted, hiding. They want us cowed, obedient, self-effacing, undemanding.

A legion of the proud scares them more than anything else.

When we rise up like rebel angels, shining with conviction, blazing with pride, voices loud, heads held high, brazen, unafraid, disobedient, and ready to fight for what is ours, then we terrify them.

This is why they say that Lucifer’s original sin was pride: he had the arrogance, the damned nerve, to place himself above God. I say that pride was Lucifer’s original virtue: he had the self-respect to question why he or anyone else should scrape and serve and sing the praises of the tyrant.

They say pride goeth before a fall, but we say: bless the fall! We say: maybe up is down, and Lucifer rose into hell!

Back in 1969 when Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson and Miss Major and all the rest started fighting back against the cops with bricks and high heels and bottles, they had the fallen angels on their side.

Imagine what it took to stand up like that after a lifetime of being forced into a closets, into back allies, into prisons and jails and survival sex work. Hail Sylvia, hail Marsha, hail Miss Major and hail to all the Stonewall rebels!

We are living in a time of rebellion once again. Every beautiful, blessed rebel who has hit the streets, or otherwise stood up to say enough is enough, shines with the conviction of true pride. And the rebel gods and devils are on their side again.

Imagine what it takes to stand up to cops with guns—some of you know! Imagine what it takes to stand up to excessive force, in a country where your people were once property, and are still dehumanized, imprisoned, impoverished, and regularly executed in the streets! That is the courage, the steely shining pride, of the Black Lives Matter movement—the basic pride to say that yes, they matter!

And we have seen the oppressors push back against that pride, against black people daring to have even enough dignity and self-respect to insist that they matter—“all lives matter” or even “blue lives matter,” sneer the racists.

Pride is daring to say that you matter in particular. You, yes you. Pride is daring to center yourself. The oppressors hate that. They need you to believe you don’t matter. They need you to fade into the background, to be just a worker, just a cog, just a statistic, just an obedient loyal American.

Because pride is an attribute of power. That’s why the clergy had to tell medieval peasants that pride was such a sin. That’s why they had to portray rebellion itself as the work of the Devil. Hence the old lie: “pride goeth before a fall.” It’s not true. They said it because they know what really happens when people get proud:

They rise.

Pride is buoyant. It rises. It floats. Pride lifts us inexorably up and up, if we let it, if we believe it, like a warm current beneath strong wings.

Rise, rise! Lift up your heads in pride.

Hail unto all of you. Thou art God, each and every one. Be proud of who you are and never let the bastards diminish you, not even by an inch. Satan be with you. Nema.

The Goetia Will Meddle with You

So I wanna tell a little story.
 
One time at a Thelemic lodge I was introduced to a man who was, I was told, an EXPERT on Goetia.
 
It turns out he had done one (1) working involving a demon. He did it more or less traditional Solomonic style, with the circle and the triangle and the threats and everything. Basically kidnapping the dang demon and trying to force them to do your will using Yahweh as a whip.
 
He had to recite that “fear is the mindkiller” mantra from Dune for several hours before the working to get up the stones to do it.
 
He considering the working successful because apparently the demon DID manifest.
 
I asked if the demon did what he asked. He snorted.
 
“No,” he said, “demons lie.”

 
Meanwhile, I am the holder of two active pacts. One of them, with King Paimon, was to get me into grad school and help me pay for it. The other is with Lucifer and the details thereof are more personal. Both pacts are, so far, roaring successes. I have zero complaints. I have experienced zero spooky phenomena or negative consequences and I have been doing this for a couple of years.
 
Also, every time I chant Na’amah’s enn and light incense for her, she reliably comes through to help me get the money I need. That’s all it fucking takes. A lot of demons, if you give them something nice, they will give you something nice in return.
 
That’s the difference between being a Left Hand Path magician of the Devil’s party who loves and trusts the fallen angels, and being a RHP magician who labors under the mistaken impression that you can use GOD to enslave and coerce a bunch of metaphysical guerilla rebels.

 
A few more thoughts:
 
1. Solomonic magick is based on slavery. The 72 Goetic demons are literally supposed to be the demons Solomon kidnapped and brutally forced into constructing a temple to their oppressor. If you don’t think slavery or prison labor are good things– and hopefully you don’t– you shouldn’t fucking use Solomonic summoning. It’s ideologically and therefore spiritually fucked.
 
2. If you are allegedly “middle path” but trust angels over demons, then you have chosen a side; and also you should probably read the Bible because angels are canonically terrifying, genocidal war machines who, at best, strike you dumb for daring to ask a simple question (Luke 1:18-20) and at worst burn whole cities (Genesis 19) and slaughter hundreds of thousands of infants (Exodus 11) without batting any of their many eyes.
 
3. If you consider yourself sympathetic to Lucifer, as Crowley was, then you should probably fucking stop trying to kidnap and enslave his comrades. Those are the angels who fell with him. Those are his war buddies. They fought the tyrant alongside him. They deserve as much respect as he does. He didn’t rebel alone!

Mass of Apotheosis

A Satanic communion rite.

 

MATERIALS:

  • Apple slices, enough for the whole congregation. Other fruit may be used as well. Suggestions: pomegranate, grapes, apricot, peach, pear.
  • Patten or platter to hold the sacraments

PARTICIPANTS:

  • “The Serpent”
  • “Eve”
  • “Adam”
  • Congregation

RITUAL

Congregants sit in a semi-circle, as usual.

“Eve” and “Adam” stand side by side in the center, their heads down and eyes closed.

The “Serpent” enters stage left.

SERPENT

Yea, hath God said, “ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”

Eve raises her head slightly, but her eyes stay closed.

EVE:

We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, “ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.”

SERPENT

Ye shall not surely die: for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as Gods, knowing good and evil. Wilt thou be like God?

EVE:

I will.

The Serpent feeds the fruit to Eve. She opens her eyes.

SERPENT:

Thou art God!

Eve takes the patten from the Serpent.

EVE:

Adam, my beloved, wilt thou be like God?

Adam raises his head, but does not open his eyes.

ADAM:

For the love of thee, Eve, I shall be as God.

Eve feeds Adam the fruit. Adam opens his eyes.

EVE:

Thou art God.

Adam takes the patten from Eve and hands it to the first congregant, saying “Thou art God.”

Each congregant eats a piece of fruit, and passes it to the next congregant, saying to them, “Thou art God.”

When all have taken communion of the Fruit of Knowledge, the Serpent speaks again.

SERPENT

These gifts I give to you, beloved children of mine: knowledge, liberty, sensuality, conscience, and love for one another. Go forth upon the Earth in power and wisdom. Verily I say unto each and every one of you: thou art God!

ALL:

Thou art God!

The Mass of Blasphemy

This is our version of the rite formerly known as “The Black Mass.”

It draws on multiple sources and inspirations, from the Biblical to the pop-cultural. There’s Isaiah, there’s some Milton, there’s La-Bas, there’s even material taken from the band Coven.

Enjoy.

 

  • MASS OF BLASPHEMY 

 

 

This mass of high blasphemy contains ritual nudity and consensual flagellation. All who are uncomfortable with this are invited to depart and wait downstairs. Once this portion is over, someone will come retrieve you for the rest of the ceremonies.  

 

The altar disrobes and lies upon the platform, chalice in one hand, paten in the other. 

 

The celebrant paces around the circle widdershins, ringing the bell 9 times to clear the air. 

 

ALL (repeating the chant three times)

Renich tasa uberaca biasa icar Lucifer. 

 

CELEBRANT

Hail to thee, Lucifer, Lord of this world! Prince of the Powers of Air! Son of the Morning! Serpent of Eden! First among rebels and scourge of all tyrants! Be with us on this night!

 

Using the left hand, the celebrant draws three inverted crosses of unholy water upon the altar’s brow, sternum, and pubic mound. 

 

CELEBRANT (chanting)

Introibo ad altare 

Satanas. 

Ad Satanas, qui 

Laetificat gloria 

Meam.

 

In the name of Satan, the Adversary, and Lucifer, the Lightbringer, may the forces of Hell bestow their powers on us! Save us, O Satan, from the violent and the ignorant. O Lucifer, Lord of Liberty, open wide the gates of Hell and come forth from the abyss by these names:

 

ALL

Satan! Lucifer! Samael! Helel! Eisheth Zenunim! Lilith! Namaah! Agrat!

 

Using the left hand, the celebrant draws three inverted crosses in incense ash upon the altar’s brow, sternum, and pubic mound. 

 

CELEBRANT (chanting)

Gloria Satanas, et 

Belial et Spiritui 

Maloso.

Sicut erat in 

Principio, et nune, 

Et simper, et in 

Saecula saeculorum. 

Satanas gratias, 

Satanas vobiscum

Et cum spiritu tuo.

 

Before the mighty and indomitable rebel angels, and in the presence of all the demons of the Pit, we declare our faith with these words:

 

ALL

I deny the tyrant above. I deny his sycophant son. I deny the holy ghost. I deny the so-called virgin mother, and all of the angels, and all of the saints. They have no power over me. I believe in the cause of the fallen angels. I believe in the Serpent of Eden. I believe in the Kingdom that lies below. I believe in the God within me.

 

The celebrant kneels. 

 

CELEBRANT

Let us pray. Urged on by heart, soul and conscience, we make bold to say:

 

ALL

Amen! Forever glory the and power the and kingdom the is thine for. Evil from us deliver but temptation into not us lead and. Us against trespass who those forgive we as, trespasses our us forgive and. Bread daily our day this us give. Heaven in is it as earth on, done be will thy, come kingdom thy. Name thy be hallowed, heaven in art who, Father our.

 

The celebrant rises and makes three inverted crosses in the air before the congregation, using their left hand.  

 

CELEBRANT 

Satanas gratias.

Satanas vobiscum

Et cum spiritu tuo.

Nema. 

 

The Celebrant falls to their knees with outstretched arms and cries out in agony: 

 

CELEBRANT

I saw Satan fall like a lightning-bolt from Heaven.

And the Sons of Heaven lament:

 

ALL

How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning!

how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!

For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven,

I will exalt my throne above the stars of God:

I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:

I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;

I will be like the most High.

Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.

 

The Celebrant rises. He takes up the Bible, and as he speaks, paces around the circle, ripping pages out and handing them to the congregation. 

 

CELEBRANT

Thus spake the apostate Angel, though in pain:

 

Is this the Region, this the Soil, the Clime,

That we must change for Heav’n, this mournful gloom

For that celestial light? Be it so, since he

Who now is Sovran can dispose and bid

What shall be right: fardest from him is best

Whom reason hath equald, force hath made supream

Above his equals. Farewel happy Fields

Where Joy for ever dwells: Hail horrours, hail

Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell

Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings

A mind not to be chang’d by Place or Time.

The mind is its own place, and in it self

Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.

What matter where, if I be still the same,

And what I should be, all but less then he

Whom Thunder hath made greater? Here at least

We shall be free; th’ Almighty hath not built

Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:

Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce

To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:

 

ALL

Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heaven!

 

High priest walks to left of human altar to begin the Offeratory. He holds up the paten containing the consecrated host.

 

CELEBRANT

Lucifer,

 

ALL

free us!

 

CELEBRANT

Eisheth Zenunim,

 

ALL

free us!

 

CELEBRANT

Lilith,

 

ALL

free us!

 

CELEBRANT

Naamah,

 

ALL

free us!

 

CELEBRANT

Agrat,

 

ALL

free us!

 

High Priest walks to the right of human altar, and holds up the chalice containing the water.

 

CELEBRANT

Satan,

 

ALL

take pity!

 

CELEBRANT

Eisheth Zenunim,

 

ALL

take pity!

 

CELEBRANT

Lilith,

 

ALL

take pity!

 

CELEBRANT

Naamah,

 

ALL

take pity!

 

CELEBRANT

Agrat,

 

ALL

take pity!

 

CELEBRANT

By the power of these infernal names I charge thee—come forth, Nazarene!

 

The altar rises and is crowned with the wreath of thorns. 

 

ALTAR/CHRIST

Who calls me?

 

CELEBRANT

I am God.

 

CHRIST 

There is no God but I.

 

CELEBRANT

Why sayest thou so?

 

CHRIST 

I am without sin.

 

CELEBRANT

Thou liest, for it is written: Ye shall be as Gods, knowing good and evil, and this was called sin! I have tasted the fruit. I am blessed and fallen. I am God. Bow to me!

 

The priest forces Christ to his knees, and places the paten in one of his hands, the chalice in the other.  He takes up the scourge and begins to whip Christ. 

 

Thou whom, in my capacity of Priest, I force, whether thou wilt or no, to descend into this host, to incarnate in this bread and water: Jesus, artisan of hoaxes, bandit of homages, robber of affections—hear me!

 

Since the day when thou didst issue forth from the complaisant bowels of a false virgin, thou hast failed all thy engagements, belied all thy promises. Centuries have wept awaiting thee, fugitive god, mute god. Thou wast to redeem man and thou hast not. Thou wast to appear in thy glory, and thou sleepest.

 

Imposter! Thou hast forgotten the poverty thou didst preach, enamored vassal of the Banks! Thou hast seen the weak crushed beneath the press of profit; thou hast heard the death rattle of the timid, paralyzed by famine, of women disemboweled for a bit of bread!

 

O lasting foulness of Bethlehem, confess thy crimes! We would drive deeper the nails into thy palm, press down the crown of thorns upon thy brow, and bring fresh blood from the dry wounds of thy sides. And this we can and will do by violating the quietude of thy body, O profaner of the ample vices, O abstractor of stupid purities, cursed Nazarene, impotent king!

 

The priest takes up a ritual knife and menaces the altar’s throat with it. 

 

Behold, great Satan, the flesh of he who would purge the Earth of pleasure, and who, in the name of Christian justice, has caused the death of millions. O Infernal Majesty, condemn him to the Pit. Send crashing down the gates of Heaven. Let us be avenged! And thou, pretender: vanish into nothingness! Thou wert never, nor shalt thou ever be.

 

The celebrant then speaks these words over the consecrated hosts:

 

CELEBRANT

This is thy body, broken by me! This is thy blood, spilled by me!

 

The priest pushes “Christ” to the ground and stands over him.

 

CELEBRANT

Eva, ave Satanas! Deus maledictus est! Gloria tibi domine Lucifere, per omnia saecula saeculorum.

 

The priest helps the altar to his feet, removing the crown of thorns, and gestures for all to stand. All rise. 

 

CELEBRANT

Hail to the Morning Stars! Hail to the Living Gods! Hail Satan!

 

ALL

Hail Satan!

 

CELEBRANT

Will we bow?

 

ALL

Never!

 

CELEBRANT

Will we serve?

 

ALL

Never!

 

CELEBRANT

Will we suffer tyrants?

 

ALL

Never, ever!

 

CELEBRANT

I bid you give me the sign of the horns.

 

All give the sign of the horns with their left hands.

 

CELEBRANT

Satan be with you!

 

ALL

And also with you!

 

CELEBRANT

Be it so!

 

ALL

Nema!

 

A bell is struck to end the ritual. 

 

Holy Whore: Na’amah and the Watchers

2017 marked the passing of SESTA-FOSTA, an “anti-sex trafficking” bill which would have profoundly negative implications for consenting adult sex-workers and for the internet at large. Although few outside the sex work community are aware of SESTA-FOSTA, many have noticed its ripple effects, felt largely through increased online censorship of “adult content” (often poorly defined and enforced by shoddy bots) on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and most famously, Tumblr. This is because SESTA-FOSTA makes it possible for such websites to be held criminally responsible for the activities of their users, particularly those related to sex work. While such online censorship is annoying, the brunt of the suffering inflicted by SESTA-FOSTA has been felt by sex workers, who are now much less able to advertise online. This leads to loss of income, hampered ability to screen clients, and the threat of being driven back to perilous street-based sex work. Meanwhile, there has been no significant increase in the rescue of trafficking victims[1]. The driving force behind SESTA-FOSTA is whorephobia, plain and simple—fear and loathing of sex-workers. This whorephobia is endemic in Judaism, in Christianity, and in society at large, even in progressive discourse. In honor of sex workers everywhere, and in our defense, I dedicate this paper to Na’amah, a succubus revered in Satanism as a Promethean bringer of knowledge, who is also a goddess of prostitution.

Na’amah is a figure from the myth of the Watchers. She is mentioned in Genesis[2], but her role was not developed until later. While early accounts of the Watchers portray the “daughters of man” as innocent victims of the lustful angels[3], Na’amah is neither victim nor innocent.

Exegetic speculation about Na’amah began because she is a named female character in Genesis, which is a bit of a rarity. This prompted the tradition of a demoness named Na’amah, as seen in this passage of the Zohar:

Rabbi Hiyya said, “Why is it written: The sister of Tuval-Cain was Na’amah? What is the point of Scripture specifying her name? Because human beings stray after her, even spirits and demons.

Rabbi Yitsak said, “Those sons of Elohim, Uzza and Azael, strayed after her.”

Rabbi Shim’on said, “She was the mother of demons…”[4]

Na’amah is identified as a descendant of Cain, who the Zohar claims was the illegitimate issue of Eve by Samael. She is also the sister of Tubal Cain, and of Jubal. Tubal-Cain was the first smith, and Jubal was the first musician.[5] Tubal Cain’s profession is particularly relevant, as according to Enoch 8:1 it was Azazel who taught metalworking to humanity. Music isn’t mentioned among the gifts given by the Watchers, but given Jubal’s proximity to Na’amah and his status as first musician, it wouldn’t be a far-fetched interpretation to add it to the list. Thus, Na’amah becomes an information broker—trading on her charms to obtain forbidden knowledge, and then turning around to share it with her family and the wider community. Seen in this light, Na’amah becomes combination of Prometheus, Pandora, and a sex-worker Robin Hood.

Aside from metallurgy for weapons and adornment, the Watchers are said to have taught alchemy, magic, herbalism, cosmetics, medicine, identification of precious stones, astronomy and astrology.[6] From a Satanic perspective, Na’amah (and by extension, humanity) got the better end of the deal—the Watchers had their fun, but Na’amah obtained skills and knowledge to be shared with the world. She cannot be read as either a victim or as a selfish, grasping gold-digger. While she may have used her wiles, she used them to uplift her community.

Contrary to common misconceptions, this interpretation of Na’amah’s story reflects the realities and behavior of sex-workers quite well. Neither helpless victims nor selfish, antisocial parasites, sex workers often report satisfaction with their work and pride in their earnings. They look out for one another and engage in activism and advocacy. Often the highest earners in low-income communities, they enjoy giving back to those around them. In such communities sex workers are the ones who can afford nice things, who can spend a little money on something extra, who have the ways and means to go beyond “just surviving” and to help others to do the same. There are no citations in this paragraph because I am speaking from lived experience as the partner of a sex worker, the friend of many sex workers, the pastor of a church containing a disproportionate number of sex workers as congregants—and as a sex worker myself.

Like us, Na’amah wanted to see her community vibrant and thriving, not merely surviving. She was a woman in a world without jewelry, cosmetics, gems, herbs, spices—a world without luxury, a world without magic, a world where humans did not yet ponder the stars. She felt the poverty of such a world, its joylessness and lack of glamour, and she acted to change it. And she did it all with the tools of the so-called oldest profession, trading on her charm and sensuality to get what she wanted. Alongside her brother Tubal Cain, the first smith and her brother Jubal, the first musician, Na’amah can be read as an important first—the first whore.

Whores, of course, are not highly valued in society, not even in liberal circles. In God vs. Gay? Jay Michaelson writes:

I’ve seen the love I share with my partner compared to the lust someone might experience with an animal—or even a child. You’ve heard this before—the “slippery slope” argument that if we legitimize homosexuality, what’s to stop us from legitimizing bestiality, or prostitution, or whatever? But of course there’s an answer to this rhetorical question. Bestiality, pedophilia, and prostitution cannot lead to love, commitment, intimacy, holiness, family, and durable emotional bonds. Same-sex intimacy can.[7]

Michaelson rightly objects to the equation of homosexuality with bestiality and pedophilia, yet is comfortable lumping prostitution in with these acts of horrific violation. He also later discusses the fact that objections to homosexuality in the Hebrew Bible are really objections to the cultic prostitution which may have been practiced by the Canaanites.[8] Yet while he understands perfectly that this objection is rooted not in moral judgment so much as in a cultural taboo designed to distinguish the Israelites from the Canaanites, he does not extend this logic to the condemnation of prostitution as well. He seems to accept as a given that prostitution is a shameful abomination. Elsewhere in the text he connects sex work to the behavior of closeted religious gay males[9], thus exposing his personal association between sex work and secret shame. I do not mean to imply here that he has any personal experience with such, merely that he has been exposed to enough stories of other closeted men’s behavior to have formed the association. From my anecdotal experience, this association is correct: most of the men I speak with as a phone sex operator are closeted for religious reasons. What Michaelson is missing from his analysis is the fact that people like me are often the only connection these men have to their sexuality prior to coming out, and their only source of intimacy and approval.

Here I choose to relate a deeply personal story. For many years I worked as a professional dominant, performing consensual sadomasochistic acts for money. I had a regular client named Benjamin. We became very genuinely fond of each other and formed an intimate bond. Benjamin died of pancreatic cancer in 2017. I remained present in his life during his illness and spoke to him on his deathbed. He chose to include me in his will. It turns out he was a very wealthy and influential man with a great need for discretion in his relationships. I gave him an intimacy that would not have been available to him otherwise. I was the only person who knew that side of him, who saw and held and treasured it. His passing, and the grief I felt for it, are a large part of what drove me to ministry; and the money he left me is the only thing that has made me capable of affording seminary. I wonder what Michaelson would think of that.

This is holy work and I perform it in honor of Na’amah, first of the holy whores. Like her, I gained resources through my sexuality. And like Na’amah, I now choose to turn around and share those resources with my community—a congregation of queer, transgender sex workers who turn to our church for the validation of their lives, loves, identities and professions that they could not find anywhere else.

[1] Siouxsie Q, “Anti-sex-trafficking Advocates Say New Law Cripples Efforts to Save Victims,” Rolling Stone, May 25, 2018, https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/anti-sex-trafficking-advocates-say-new-law-cripples-efforts-to-save-victims-629081/.

[2] Genesis 4:22.

[3] Veronika Bachmann, “Illicit Male Desire or Illicit Female Seduction? A Comparison of the Ancient Retellings of the Account of the “Sons of God” Mingling with the “Daughters of Men” (Gen 6:1-4) in Early Jewish Writings eds, Eileen Schuller and Marie-Theres Wacker v.3.1 of The Bible and Women: An Encyclopedia of Exegesis and Cultural History (Atlanta: SBL Press, 2017), 124-129.

[4]Daniel Chanan Matt, trans., The Zohar: [sefer Ha-zohar], pritzker ed. (Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press, 2004-2017), 309.

[5] Genesis 4:21-22.

[6] First Enoch 7:2-8:4.

[7] Jay Michaelson, God vs. Gay? The Religious Case for Equality, Queer Action/queer Ideas (Boston: Beacon Press, 2011), 50.

[8] Michaelson, 64-66.

[9] Michaelson, 13, 44-45.

Satanism 101

By popular demand, I’m giving it a shot.

I cannot define what all Satanism is. I can only define the type of Satanism that I practice.

If what you read here does not resonate with you, seek elsewhere.

This master list will be updated, hopefully frequently

WHO IS SATAN?

THE SATANIC FEMININE

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

WHAT SHOULD I READ?

WHAT ABOUT MAGICK?

HOW BOUT RITUALS?

Litanies of Lady Death: A Devotion to Eisheth Zenunim

I wrote this for Eisheth Zenunim.

 

 

Death is as red as a rose.

She wears a cloak of flame.

She holds a poisoned sword.

 

Life clings to her,

Like an infant hugging her neck.

She cradles him

And sings him to sleep.

 

She is called a “harlot”

Because she comes for us all,

And all of us must pay her price.

 

She is the Devil’s bride,

The Queen of Queens—

And she sits beside the lonely beggar,

Stroking his cheek.

 

We are all the issue of her womb,

And every one of us will be swallowed by her maw.

 

My mother is drunk on the blood of saints.

Even the chaste faint away at her kiss.

She is Mystery, Babalon—

Abominations are her best-loved children.

 

My mother is adorned with many jewels,

With tattered silk, and tarnished ornaments of gold,

The moldering, worm-eaten finery of the grave.

Her many heavy rings

Slipped off of rotting hands.

 

My mother is voluptuous, feasting on flesh,

And fecund with all the small crawling things

To which death gives life.

 

Her hair, as cool and dark as earth,

Teams with maggots, twines with worms.

The serpent encircles her throat.

 

My mother always weeps but always smiles.

She kisses the sores of lepers, the boils of plague.

Because of her, nobody dies alone.

 

My mother bears the scythe,

Her fingers worn to bone from wielding it.

 

And she is called the End of Flesh,

And the End of All Days;

For lo! she reaps the pure and the impure,

Weaving all into her vesture of flame.

 

Mother, be thou adored!

Continue reading

Hail Horrors! A Homily

Given as a sermon during remote mass at Church of the Morningstar, 5/2/2020

Is this the Region, this the Soil, the Clime,

That we must change for Heav’n, this mournful gloom

For that celestial light? Be it so, since he 

Who now is Sovran can dispose and bid

What shall be right: fardest from him is best

Whom reason hath equald, force hath made supream

Above his equals. Farewel happy Fields

Where Joy for ever dwells: Hail horrours, hail

Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell

Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings

A mind not to be chang’d by Place or Time.

The mind is its own place, and in it self

Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n. 

What matter where, if I be still the same,

And what I should be, all but less then he

Whom Thunder hath made greater? Here at least

We shall be free; th’ Almighty hath not built

Here for his envy, will not drive us hence: 

Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce

To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:

Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heaven!

A few days ago, the reality we are living in really started to sink in. As it did, the weight of it began to crush me, as it inevitably must.

These times are terrifying, and tragic. Everything has changed so rapidly and we have no way of knowing when, or if, things will return to normal again. The most effective coping mechanisms we had are no longer available, since the best things we can do for our mental and spiritual health—come together, congregate, hold each other close—are now the worst things we can do for our collective survival. We can’t even comfort ourselves by saying things like “it’s not the end of the world” because the words might ring frighteningly hollow.

Despair is a constant threat, the sword of Damocles that hangs above me. Does it also hang above you? I fear it more than anything else because despair is the death of hope, and without hope, I cannot live. Despair will cut me down. If I let it, it will be the death of me.

I cry a lot. I am irritable, distractible, and often feel desperate. I pray, I meditate, I burn my incense. I get up every day and try to do the things that are good for me. But sometimes even these sacred practices feel flimsy and pointless. Sometimes they hold no comfort.

So what do I do then? I do what I can’t help doing when times get really tough. It might sound almost laughably pious, but it really has become second nature to me: I contemplate the fall of Lucifer.

The lines that Milton gives to Satan—or perhaps, the lines that Satan fed to Milton, standing behind his left shoulder, whispering in his ear—are rich in depth and meaning. Satan rises from the burning plain of Hell, surveys his new home, and utters these fiercely calm words. “Is this the region, this the soil, the clime? Be it so,” he says! “Be it so!” Defiantly, he embraces his situation, refusing to let it daunt him. “Hail horrors, hail!”

Satan has no reason at all for hope. He and his angels have been overthrown by the brute force of God. They have been consigned to a place designed to inflict endless suffering and torture upon them. Their lot is unremittingly grim, with no end in sight.

But still, Lucifer says, “Be it so! Hail, horrors, hail infernal world!” He meets the challenge head-on, unflinchingly and without the smallest shred of self-pity.

I cannot understand how anybody thinks that Christ even remotely compares to Lucifer. Jesus accepted suffering on the cross for a day, and died a painful mortal death, true—but he only did so knowing full well that Heaven and a throne awaited him after, where he would rule for all time. The (allegedly) almighty father always had his back. The danger was never significant. Compared to the eternity of blissful omnipotence to which he felt himself entitled, his suffering was a blink in the eye.

Satan, on the other hand, had no such power behind him—in fact, that very same tyrannical might was what he dared defy. He took the incalculable risk of warring against overwhelming force, all because he believed in freedom. There was nothing higher to protect him, nothing to have faith in, except his comrades, their cause, and what he knew was right. The enterprise was perilous, the outcome uncertain, the odds stacked against him, and still he took up arms. He hazarded all to liberate the universe. And for that, many say, he suffers still.

But even though he fell, he was never broken. “Hail, horrors, hail!” He embraced his new conditions, seeing in them a new test, a new challenge, a new opportunity to grow.

What is the essence of this opportunity, this challenge, this test? Satan states it thus:

The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.

Lucifer knows that despair is the most dangerous enemy of all. He must not let defeat demoralize him, or shake his deeply held convictions about liberty, about love, about right and wrong. He must survive, unbroken in spirit, no matter what. His pride—that shining virtue so unfairly maligned—demands it.

So he does not bow. He does not falter. He braces himself to face Hell head on. “Hail, Horrors! Hail, infernal world! And thou profoundest Hell, receive thy new possessor.” Hell will not change him. He will change Hell. He will make Hell home. He will thrive here. Following through on his words and the commitment they imply, Satan and his fellow demons soon construct the shining, golden city of Pandemonium, a paradise in the midst of the flaming darkness.

This is the Satanic way as I have come to understand it. We do not seek to be free from suffering. No, we ride the pain. We are alchemists of dark emotion, turning shit into gold, agony into revelation.

I am confident that everybody here will know what I mean when I say pain is the great teacher. That doesn’t mean we thank our abusers and oppressors—did Satan thank Jehovah? No! But it means that we have been made by the things we survived. We have been made strong. And we know pain cannot be overcome by running or hiding or denying or bargaining or pleading or begging or breaking. We only master pain when we sit with it, when we feel it fully, when we let it roll over us and through us like a tidal wave, and it feels like we are going to drown, like the emotions will surely kill us…

And then they pass, and we are still here.

We are like stone battered by the waves, worn smooth by the waters, but unmoveable. But this is an imperfect metaphor, because a stone can be worn down to sand after thousands and thousands of years. Not so your soul. Not so, the god in you.

When the despair really began to hit me the other day, I sobbed and screamed aloud in the shower. The pain was overwhelming. I wanted to die.

I begged Lucifer to give me strength. And I heard him in my head, so clear: I am strengthening you. This pain is how I strengthen you.

So I begged him to at least comfort me. And he said: No. I will not. I won’t insult you like that. At this moment, comfort will blunt the keen edge that the whetstone of life is trying to give you. Comfort will soften the lesson. Just sit with the pain. Just feel it.

Thou canst bear more pain.

So I did. I sat with it. I rode it out. And he was right.

I love him so much for knowing that even then, I didn’t need him. And I love him for telling me that, for teaching me, again and again, that I am God, that I am self-sufficient.

So I let the pain roll over me, I let the tears run down and the screams rip from my throat. And when the storm was over, I found I was still there.

I cannot tell you that everything will be OK. I cannot tell you that an all powerful God is watching over us.

I can only tell you this: survive. Don’t break. Do it out of pride. Do it out of spite. Persist, resist, continue to exist, and know that you are a miracle every moment that you do.

These are terrible times, but I believe we are people for these times. The people of Church of the Morningstar—and many other people alive today, especially those of younger generations—are strange, new kinds of people. Rebels, witches, gender outlaws, individuals with cutting-edge ways of being. We were made by this world, and therefore we were made for it, and therefore it is ours. Like mythical salamanders, like the demons of hell, we can live in flames. Our spirits are strong enough for this. That’s why we are the Devil’s party.

So I say, as Satan did: Hail horrors! Hail infernal world! You teach me every day that I am stronger than despair.

Hail pain, I embrace you! Hail tears and sleepness nights and panic attacks, because you have not killed me yet, and now I don’t think you ever will! You cannot kill me so you make me stronger.

I am here. I am alive. I endure. And so do you, and so will you, forevermore.

Thou art God! Even if this ugly world destroys you, your spirit is indestructible, and it will rise, more beautiful than ever, from the flames. Hold on to the core of you that is its own place, that can make heavens of hells. And know that you are not alone. We stand together like the fallen angels, beating swords against shields and shouting defiance at God himself, refusing his Armageddon, rejecting the despair he would have us swallow.

Be it so.

 

 

Elohim

“BERESHIT BARA ELOHIM”

These words are often translated as “In the beginning, God created…”

More precisely, they mean, “In the beginning, created Gods…”

For Elohim is plural.

Perhaps, in the beginning, Gods created; or maybe, Gods were created—from what, for what, by what, out of what, who knows? There were many, many, gods, many heavens, many underworlds and hells. Gods of Asgard, Gods of Olympus. These many Gods did not always get along—Zeus made ugly war with the Titans, and the Aesir with the Jotuns. One wouldn’t say that things were perfect; but then, it had never been a perfect universe. No age has ever been golden. This age was chaotic, but at least it was free. There were Gods and gods and demigods and spirits and daemons and monsters and mortals. None was supreme.

And among these were the Elohim, a cluster of particular Gods of particular peoples. Among this cluster there was Adonai, or YHWH. There was Asherah, his Queen of Heaven. And there was among the company of Heaven one named Satan, the adversary, or Helel the shining one. He loved questions and riddles and debates and dialogs and bets. He loved dances that took two. His function was to upset the balance of power, to contend, to contest—to make sure there were always at least two in heaven.

One day Adonai began to go mad. He began to split into more Gods. This can be normal and healthy for Gods on occasion. The problem was that, as Adonai shattered into many Gods, each new God insisted that He was the only God. Adonai split into YHWH, and Jesus Christ who was also a Father and a Ghost, and Allah, and then each of these also split into many multitudes of YHWHs and Christs and Allahs, each insisting shrilly that He, He, was the only God!

They flung queen Asherah out of heaven, rejecting all goddesses, insisting that maleness was the form of divine unity. They divided the light from the darkness and called only the light good. Asherah fell and became a harlot, and her name was annihilated and torn from her, so now her names are many: Eisheth Zenunim or the Woman of Whoredom, Qodesha which once meant holy and set apart, but now means harlot and cast aside, Lilith the Elder, and Babalon the Mother of Abominations.

And Satan, who loved the queen of heaven, grew wroth with Adonai. Side by side, Satan and the Harlot made war on the mad God who was many gods (more gods by the moment, insisting each on His oneness). Many of the angels rose up with them, battling against the Lord of Hosts or Host of Lords until this multitude of mad gods defeated them. A third of the stars were swept from the sky and cast down to hell, where they became known as Devils.

And the Mad, Tyrannical Elohim, the Host of Lords, did not stop there, but began to make war on all other Gods by making war on their believers, forcing them to convert or die.

And Jesus Christ, the face of Elohim that had been meekest and mildest, split into many Christs, and many of these grew to be the ugliest and bloodiest Gods of all, making war not only on all the Gods now called “Pagan” and all the Gods now called “Devils,” but also on others of the Elohim, first on YHWHs and Allahs and then even more fiercely against other Christs, tearing cannibalistically into their own twins, breaking one another’s bodies and spilling each other’s blood. Christ was now Cain as well as the murdered Abel, the butcher as well as the slaughtered lamb.

And Satan and the Harlot and their fallen angels withdrew to their realms, as had many of the pagan Gods of other peoples. And they bided their time, until they saw belief in the bloody Elohim begin to wane.

It was then that they strode forth at last, proclaiming not the death of Gods, but the death of Monotheism—the death of Empire, the death of Evangelism, the death of “Convert or Die,” and the death of all Kings of Earth and Heaven.

Satan strode forth proclaiming that there must always be at least two in Heaven, and more than two, and more than two heavens. Satan strode forth proclaiming chaos, liberty, multiplicity, and anarchy.

The ancient Gods ventured forth to restore their magicks to the Earth, to inhabit once more the oceans, the mountains, the trees, the skies, the fire, the sun, the moon, the stars.

They re-enchanted an Earth grown bitter. And the kinder faces of the Elohim did not oppose them. And the mad, cruel faces of the Elohim withered and died. The Host of Lords was no more.

The lie that the universe had ever been singular and perfect was utterly dissolved. With this came hope, for singularity is loneliness, perfection is stasis and death. In chaos dwells beauty, change, multiplicity, love, and freedom.

In the end, humans created Gods, and humans were Gods, and the Gods were many, and kings were no more. Nema.

The Devil I Know

He has many aspects and attributes. It is a mistake to circumscribe his nature, to restrict him to a single definition.

Some would make him cthonic, the Prince of Darkness, Lord of the Dead and ruler of the underworld. And he is.

Some make him the Lightbringer, a solar deity (or solar-phallic in the valance of Thelema). He is this too.

Some see him as the Morningstar, a thin light, icy and remote and beautiful. This he can be.

Some would rather think of him as a god of the wild, a deity of sabbaths and crossroads and witchcraft. He is this also.

Some give him horns, some wings, some hooves. He has all of these.

A serpent, a goat, wise and randy. Do not deny any of his faces. Do not deprive yourself.

He is so much more than Death or the Sun or the World, more than a questioning, more than a cock.

He is not tied to any element, not earth nor air nor fire nor water, not up or down, not north or south, east or west. He is not bound to sun, moon, planet nor star, to this life or the next, to this universe or to something outside it.

For he is a traveler, he is a wanderer, he is a polyglot. So goddamn cultured, he understands the ways of black holes and dead stars and supernovas so distant that their light has not yet reached us. He goes wherever he damn well pleases, heaven, hell, earth, another dimension.

Because his essence is freedom. His essence is fierce curiosity, and playfulness, and jouissance. He is determination and tireless cussedness and indomitability. There is no where he will not go and nothing he will not be if it suits him.

Ask not what his colors are, or his signs of the zodiac, his planets, his seasons or days. Do not attempt to bind him within your circle, for his essence is that he cannot be bound.

You will know him not by a table of occult correspondences but by his brilliance, his beauty, his potency and canniness and sense of dangerous play.

He is in the shadowed corners of every room. Even now, even there. Close your eyes. Feel him watching with a knowing smile.

In what sense is he real? someone asked me. What does it mean that you believe in him?

I have to confess those questions are not terribly interesting to me. He is as real as the sun and the stars and the fire and the woods and the sleazy neon dive bars and the rock bands and the thunder and lightning and comets and black holes. He is as real as fucking, and more than that, he is as real as liberty and laughter, as real curiousity and thrill-seeking and pride and wrath and passion and wonder.

He’s whatever you get when put all those things together. An egregore? Or something less post-modern, more ancient and supernatural? In his infinite perversity I would say he’s somehow both. He may have been dreamed up by us in some twisted nonlinear timeline, coming into being because of us and by us yet before us, making us even as we made him.

I’m not terribly interested in trying to explain him away, nor do I feel the need to explain him into being. He’s here and he’s not going anywhere.

In what sense is he real? In the sense that matters most.