This is a writing based on something I did last night. It went really well. It’s the first time I had ever done something like that, despite wanting to. (I’ve let homeless friends crash in my house before, but that’s really different from inviting in a stranger.) Despite my best efforts, I had a lot of societal bullshit in my head saying that it would be too awkward, too dangerous, not helpful enough, not worth doing, and just somehow too against social norms– something that’s just “not done.”

Well, do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. You, yes you, can invite a hungry stranger into your home and have it be a perfectly lovely experience for all concerned.

That’s why I am sharing this. Not for brownie points or praise, but because this is a thing that is real and that you can literally do.

Also, individuals actions like the one I took with my partner are nice but ultimately meaningless unless they spread, and unless real solidarity is built. So I want to let more people know how to do this. I’m trying to empower you to help make a better world.

My experience having an unhoused guest last night went really well. It seemed to be very much appreciated, and I don’t think anyone felt like it was condescending, charity, or motivated by pity or guilt.

So, without further ado, here is what I learned, and these are the things I did that I think made it go well.

1. We had too much food. That was the most important thing. I’m a working class dude, I make less than a thousand a month and fully half of that goes to rent. I legit don’t always have much to spare. But yesterday was a holiday and we outdid ourselves cooking. The action we took was based on realizing that we had a bunch of extra stuff, and that if we walked a couple of blocks, we would probably find someone who wanted it.

Take these actions only when you have enough to share. From each according to his ability to each according to his needs, as a smart dude once said. If you try to help when you can’t actually help, you’ll just let everyone down and come across like you’re a wannabe do-gooder who can’t walk their talk.

2. Approach your houseless neighbor like a normal fucking person, because they are, and presumably you also are. Your unhoused neighbor may not be in a great mood, but there are obviously good reasons for that. They are likely cold, hungry, lonely, and probably having a shitty day/month/year/decade. Don’t let that stop you. If you are polite and nice like you’d be to fucking anyone, there’s a good chance to establish rapport.

3. If cops show up, don’t ditch your friend. Stay and cop watch. Have your phone camera ready. Maybe install that ACLU app that automatically uploads the footage so that even if the pig takes your phone it’s too late, already got civil rights lawyers looking at it (which, ACLU is a liberal org and not perfect at all, but it’s way better than the footage being lost forever). We did this last night. Fortunately we had white privilege and we used it to get the cop to go away.

4. Let your new friend take the lead. They might not be comfortable coming home with you, because there are lots of sickos who prey on homeless people. If they’d rather you just bring them some dinner/a blanket/some sanitary supplies/whatever, do that instead. Ask them what they need and figure out how they’d like you to help them with that.

5. Try to make conversation and get to know each other. Your new friend may have rusty social skills. They may talk to themselves more than to you at first. This is true whether they are mentally ill or on drugs or not. I think talking to yourself is just something that can happen when you get lonely enough, regardless of any other factor. Also, of course, if your new friend IS mentally ill or on drugs, don’t judge. It can happen to anyone. Be chill, don’t be judgmental, don’t freak out.

6. But also, trust your gut. Homeless people are, and I can’t stress this enough, PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE ARE SHITTY AND DANGEROUS. You are in a delicate interaction right now where you are both trying to trust each other. If either one of you can’t trust, it’s not gonna work out. Abort.

If you don’t feel like you have good instincts yet, maybe this type of work isn’t for you. Find something else you can do to help.

7. Be considerate. This goes with letting your friend take the lead. If they decide to come to your house for dinner, be a good fucking host. Since a lot of people don’t seem to know how to do this anymore in any circumstances, here are some basics of that:

Invite them to sit down. Ask if they would like something to drink. Ask if they would like the thermostat turned up. Apologize for any mess. Make sure they know where the bathroom is. Ask broad questions like “can I get you anything?” Ask about dietary needs/restrictions. Make sure they aren’t allergic to any pets you have. Ya know. Basic shit.

In the case of a houseless person, it can be nice to ask if they would like to shower, but try not to do this in a way that indicates you think they smell bad. If you have time and on-site laundry at your house, you might even be able to let them run some laundry through the wash!

8. Literally do try to make a friend! Pleasant social contact is one of many things unhoused people can be in dire need of. A lot of people probably walk by them every day pretending they don’t exist. Fuck that.

9. Leaving– the hard part. Sometimes. Actually, in some ways, always.

You may notice this is about inviting someone to dinner, not inviting someone to crash for the night. That’s because I haven’t really done that with a stranger, I have issues letting people I don’t know super well sleep in my house, and, basically… I’m just not there yet, so I don’t have experience or tips.

Your friend may decide when they want to leave of their own accord. It’s very likely they will– after all, they may be as leery of crashing in the house of someone they don’t really know as you are of letting them! Like I said, lots of predators out there.

Or, you may have to ask them to leave. This can be awkward with any guest, as you may know. It’s downright painful when you are sending them out into the cold night.

You may be tempted at this point to refer them to a shelter. Don’t. Shelters are shitty and dangerous and often overcrowded. Your friend knows that shelters exist. There is a reason they aren’t in one. Shut up.

Sometimes a better option is a cheap hotel, and your friend may ask for cash (usually to the tune of 40-60 bucks) to go to one. If you can spare the cash, go for it. Don’t fucking speculate as to whether they are gonna get drugs with it instead. Your friend is an adult.

If there is no other option for them and they don’t want to leave, be honest as to why they can’t stay. It may be that your landlord doesn’t allow overnight guests, or that your roommates would get pissed. It may be that you are just not comfortable having a stranger in your home overnight, but if you have to tell them that, make it clear that your boundary is not about them, and not about them being a “scary homeless person.” There’s no guarantee at this point that shit won’t get weird and feelings won’t be hurt. Sorry. Anything worth doing carries risks.

But don’t, and I cannot emphasize this enough– DON’T CALL THE COPS. That will undo everything you just tried to do. This is another reason I said to trust your gut earlier. If you try to help someone who you sense will harm you, you will likely end up harming them.

If you feel comfortable, you can offer your phone number or some way to stay in touch. A lot of homeless people do have phones and that does NOT mean they are “fake poor,” you moron. Even an iPhone is a hell of a lot cheaper than an apartment. I forgot to offer my number last night and I am literally kicking myself because the person we met was super cool.

On the other hand, they may not want to swap digits. Don’t get offended!

And don’t ever promise anything you can’t deliver.

10. Once they are gone, you might need to do some self care. You may have just legit bonded with a human who you may never see again and who is going into dangerous circumstances. You may feel guilty and shitty about the fact that you sent them into the night. You may be worried as hell about them. You may miss them. WHATEVER YOU DO, WAIT TO PROCESS THOSE FEELINGS UNTIL THEY ARE NOT IN YOUR PRESENCE. It’s your shit, and it’s valid, but it’s not theirs and they have a lot of other things to worry about.

11. Special advice for Satanists, witches and occultists– you may not want to lead with your religion/spiritual practice, and/or avoid mentioning it. It can legitimately freak some people out. I had an experience like this recently with a young woman on the bus who asked me to ride with her to help her feel safer, but it turned out she was BIG on Jesus and got very, very scared of me just by noticing my Satanic tattoos and jewelry. Made me really sad, but there was nothing I could do to help her feel safe, especially as it seemed she had a little bit of psychosis. Be wary of stuff like that. If the interior of your house would terrify the average Christian, think twice.

12. Finally, your new friend may or may not be up to date on the most politically correct language of the left. Try not to sweat that stuff. If you chose to have a conversation about it, don’t be condescending and approach it in a down-to-earth way. If your guest is a little bit bigoted about some things, it’s a lot more effective to give them a positive sense of having connected with someone different than them, rather than chewing them out over terminology. The first builds solidarity, the second is exhausting for all concerned. (Obviously there are limits to the tolerance of intolerance in any situation, but we are hoping that you trusted your gut to good effect earlier and there is no chance of physical violence.)

And that’s about all I have to say about it for now!

In conclusion, I’d like to link you to POOR Magazine, a project of, by, and for poor and homeless people. It has a lot of information about other projects of, by and for the homeless, especially in the SF Bay Area. Give your money to them and to similar self-organized homeless projects rather than to mainstream nonprofits. Tenants unions, homeless unions, and projects like Homes Not Jails are also good to support. Basically you’re looking for organizations run by the people they are meant to serve.