Tag Archives: my writing
Met with someone from admissions today. Went very well. Should know in two to three weeks if I was accepted.
It is absolutely insane how strongly I feel the presence of Lucifer here on Berkeley’s Holy Hill, among all these churches and seminaries. Here he is the shade beneath every tree, the cool darkness in every empty chapel, the hush of the library. He is the wind that blows the dead leaves along. And most of all he’s in me, black-clad and out of place, wandering between plots of hallowed ground.
I know I am supposed to be here. I just know.
A funny thing happens when you make a pact with the Devil.
I self-initiated months ago. Since then, I’ve been put through literal hell. Almost every single part of my life was uprooted– my job, my relationship, my bands, my sense of self. Hell, I even re-evaluated my sexual orientation. Nothing is as it was.
I walked through heartbreak, fear and doubt. I grieved, hard. Many times, I wanted to give up, to just lie down and die.
Yet now, as the smoke finally clears, what do I see?
I see myself on the verge of being accepted to seminary. I see my beautiful partner (who also self-initiated shortly after I did and also ended up losing pretty much everything in short order) getting ready to move in with me. Everything is coalescing towards our common goal of founding the church and sharing a life together.
It’s as if everything has been ripped away, except for our deepest hearts’ desires. All that remains is a shining purity of purpose.
The way is clear. As my tears dry, I rejoice.
When the Devil is your God, you go through hell. But it’s so good and you come out so much stronger.
Seminary updates
Just got word that all of my references have sent in their letters of recommendation, my transcripts have arrived and my application is officially complete. I have a meeting with someone from admissions tomorrow and have been invited to prospective student week in November.
I don’t know yet when I’ll get a definite answer, but I have a really good feeling about all of this. I think I have made a very positive impression and hope to continue doing so.
Re the person asking about Christian Luciferianism, as an ex-Christian: I’ve heard Luciferianism described as the reverence of lightbringers *in general,* meaning Jesus and Prometheus would be included too. I imagine a Christian Luciferian would believe that Jesus had important lessons to teach us about defying tradition to do good and enlighten, but that he idealized his dad too much to go quite far enough towards the Left-Hand Path to make a church that wouldn’t be exploited for evil?
(christian luciferian, cont) I’ve long speculated that there might be luciferians who’d model themselves after a theoretical “antichrist” – in the sense of a midpoint between Satan and Man, as Christians revere a midpoint between God and Man. Don’t know if any exist, but the idea has always interested me
That makes sense. I don’t have much to add because my path is pretty far diverged from this stuff but I’ll post it so people who are interested can hear your take.
*raises hand* yep I am that Luciferian who aspires to the ideal of the antichrist.
original theory: succubi are always women, incubi are always men
facts: in fact succubus comes from the latin word “succubare” which means “to lie under” and incubus comes from the latin word “incubare” which means “to lie on”
new improved theory: incubi are always tops and succubi are always bottoms. gender doesn’t matter at all.
addendum: if the sex demon in question is versatile, they’re a concubus, from the latin for ‘to lie with/beside’.
Yes, but ALSO there is a theory that the incubus and succubus are the same creature who shapeshift in order to accomplish their aims.
As the succubus, they have sex with a man to obtain his sperm, and then, as incubus, pass that human sperm on to a woman to impregnate her.
But ya know. That’s sort of the traditional description but I’m damn sure they don’t care that much about gender essentialism and would happily bang whatever type of jizz-producing person they can find to get that semen into whatever type of womb-having person.
For more weird lore about demon sex, I recommend “Demoniality” by Ludovico Maria Sinistrari, or “Eros and Evil” by Robert Masters.
King Paimon is on my ass about my posture.
Every thirty seconds or so I notice that I am slouching, and it’s almost like I can hear him meaningfully clearing his throat. I straighten up. Thirty seconds later I forget and the whole process starts again.
It’s funny, because fairness and honesty are not the stereotypical traits of demons, but due to their respect for contracts and pacts, they can often be relied on to do exactly what they said they would… as long as you hold up your end. It’s very comforting.
Genesis 1
1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
So, I have to confess– my heretical Luciferian reading, based mostly on personal gnosis and influenced somewhat by the Zohar, is that this passage describes the creation and separation of Lucifer and Eisheth.
Eisheth as the darkness. Lucifer as the light.
What’s interesting is that, if I take this reading further, it may be implied that Lucifer was more favored than Eisheth in the eyes of God (”God saw the light, that is was good”). Of course it is commonly thought that Lucifer was the most beloved and privileged of all angels.
It could be that God by dividing Lucifer from the Eisheth side of his nature was trying to make Lucifer into something that suited him better, and that this backfired.
Did Lucifer rebel, not because he was maltreated, but because he thought it was unfair that he was treated with so much favor and love while others were not?
Don’t mind me, I’m just kicking around some unverified personal gnosis here.
Last night, I met Lucifer in astral. I found him in the woods near the Sabbat fire.
He asked me if I wanted to see hell.
I said “Maybe not right now.”
“Too bad,” he said, grabbing me by the hair and shoving me into the flames.
At first I resisted, but then I saw a way to thrive. I turned myself into a salamander and ran around in the flames, climbing on the burning crucifixes and bibles from which the Sabbat fire is built. I basked in the heat. I let the flames tickle me. It wasn’t bad at all.
Lucifer laughed and said “good,” and stuck his hands into the fire, letting little salamander me run over them.
The lesson was clear. Hell is only hell if you lack the proper constitution.
Church of the Morningstar 