I am overly fascinated with the life of Aleister Crowley right now. Even though he was a complete fuckboy and honestly a bad person, I still find myself fiercely envying him. Mostly because I wish I had the resources to buy a fucking mansion in Loch Ness just to do the Abramelin in it.
Also, “crossing the abyss” by power-bottoming in the Sahara while possessed by a demon is a Mood.
I was at dinner with my dad and my little brother tonight, both of whom are major foodies and excellent cooks. They were literally nerding out about a really good local fish market. I had a question for experienced fish purchasers, which had been on my mind for awhile, so I tried to ask as casually as possible: “So, uh, do you think it would be possible to obtain, like, uh, for example, the heart and liver of a bass?”
Silence. Everyone looked at me really weird. “Is this for something Satanic?” my little brother asked.
I flushed and said in a tiny voice “It might be!”
Everyone cracked up, and my dad told me that if I bought a whole bass and asked to keep the entrails, he would cook me a delicious bass for dinner and then I could do my ritual.
Anyway I love having an accepting family.
(And if you know what the heart and liver of a bass is good for, then you know I hope not to have to do this ritual anyway but I’m thinking it would be good to have those in the freezer just in case.)
You’ve probably heard of Pascal’s Wager. It’s the argument that it’s better to hedge your bets and believe in God. If there is no God you lose little by believing, if there is a God you gain an eternity in heaven.
Here’s my response as a theistic Satanist.
My question is not so much whether God exists as whether God is good.
I believe God is not good, and that the Devil is. I chose to live by my values, which are opposed to God, rather than submit to His rules.
If I am right, then I shall have a lifetime of freedom and an eternity of freedom after.
If I am wrong and God is good and the Devil is just leading me into damnation… well, at least I will have lived a human lifetime of freedom and adherence to my own ethics before that.
If I were to submit to God’s rule, then I would have a lifetime of obedience and an eternity of more obedience after. No freedom, ever.
Either way, freedom is guaranteed only by defiance against God. If I am wrong and destined to burn, then at least I will have tasted liberty for a short time in life. If I am right, the I will be free forever.
I choose to gamble with my soul in exchange for freedom.
Remember how I scored a second-hand copy of the first volume of The Zohar (translation by Daniel C. Matt) real cheap?
Well. I think whoever had this book before me must have been into the left emanation, because a bunch of the demonology related passages are already underlined.
Satan loves me.
I haven’t talked about my academic ambitions on this blog before, because my hopes and dreams seemed so fragile that I hardly dared to speak of them. But now they are becoming real. I just submitted my application.
I genuinely would appreciate your thoughts, prayers and spells so much right now. I want this so badly. This is an opportunity for me to really focus on my religious studies in an academic setting and gain practical tools for ministry and church administration. As far as I know I might be the first Satanist to attend any seminary openly, period, and if I am accepted I certainly will be the first at this particular institution.
My chances look pretty good right now– fingers crossed. When I visited campus I found the community to be incredibly open and welcoming to me, and everybody, even the Christians, were excited about me and interested in me rather than suspicious. It’s a wonderful school. The library is my idea of heaven (or hell, haha). I’ve never wanted anything this badly in my life.
This is the first step towards my dream of founding a theistic Satanic church in my area, and also of helping to raise the intellectual/academic standard of Satanism. In my own small way, I hope to help blaze a trail.
I am filled with love and gratitude towards the infernal Gods and towards my Satanic community right now. It is this love and gratitude that motivates me to pursue a Master of Divinity.
I really hope I’ll be able to tell you all, soon, that I have been accepted and will be starting school in Spring.
Hold me, Satan. I am so excited.
My reactions to this book were extremely mixed. I’m glad I read it, but I have no idea how to review it.
This a book by two authors who sometimes seem to be contradicting each other. It’s also a book that’s trying to be too many things at once. To review it fairly, I’d pretty much have to treat the various sections as separate works. Unfortunately I don’t have that kind of time. Sorry.
I’ll start with what I liked. I enjoyed a lot of the philosophical content in this book. Some of it was extremely validating—stuff I’ve been thinking for awhile but hadn’t seen anyone else say in print. So, that was cool. I also appreciated reading some of the personal experiences with evocation and pact making.
That said, I found some of the scholarship really sketchy. There’s some iffy soft polytheism, and some misinformation about witch hunts. Those are two of my least favorite things. Some of the social commentary content was just plain douchey— for instance, a random tangent bashing affirmative consent.
There was also some stuff about Voodoo, which seemed… pretty bad and racist. I don’t know enough about Voodoo to judge just how egregious it was, but it seemed pretty far off to me.
All the usual Western Esoteric Edgy Bro vices are on display here: soft polytheism, appropriation, spotty research and a weird right-libertarian streak.
The final section of the book contains adaptations of three classic grimoires, geared towards making them more user-friendly. I guess I see what they were trying to do there, but it still seemed a bit pointless. And it was odd to read the previous hundreds of pages critiquing Christianity, and then just be handed some hastily adapted rituals which still heavily depend on using Yahweh’s sacred names to compel and torture demons.
There was also an appendix which was just an excerpt from Crowley. Both authors are Thelemites and in the OTO, so, fair. But the Crowley bit was a completely different approach to evocation compared to the grimoires, and it felt pretty far out of left field. I could’ve used some more commentary on how the authors thought these different approaches could be synthesized or applied in different situations. If you aren’t going to give more context and commentary why include someone else’s work in your book at all?
This is a book that didn’t really feel like a book. It felt like a lot of random things thrown together. It’s not a complete waste of time, but it’s a frustrating and weird experience.
Based on what I’ve said so far you’d think I hated it. But there were actually segments I really loved. There were also a few parts I really hated, and a lot of “meh” and “wtf” in between. I’d give this a confused three stars out of five.
So, I’ve stumbled across some interesting ideas about Satanic witchcraft in Compendium Maleficarum, the theory behind which was expanded upon in, of all places, Là-bas.
Là-bas is a novel but it’s a rather well-researched novel, particularly for the 19th century, and I will not be surprised if I later stumble across the ideas I am about to describe in primary sources.
Compendium describes a number of spell-casting methods that involve blasphemy. There’s a certain amount of using the image of Christ as a poppet—doing things to a crucifix that reflect the magical effect you want, for instance throwing a crucifix into the sea as a storm-raising spell. Other beliefs described include the idea that desecrating crucifixes, communion hosts, images of saints etc. infuses the blasphemer with increased power.
Là-bas describes a rudimentary “theory” of this kind of magic—the idea that incorporating an act of blasphemy is a “seal” upon a spell that gives it a shot of extra power and makes it particularly hard to break.
My personal theory about why this works is that incorporating blasphemy a. acts as an offering to Satan and calls his attention to the spell so that he can help, and b. if you fuck with apotheosis it’s an affirmation of your own inner divinity by placing oneself above “God” and thus calls one’s own divine power into the working.
Obviously I need to do more reading on this but it’s really got me thinking.
Hokay. Full disclaimer: i myself have not had astral sex in almost two decades. Yes, that does mean some of my earliest experiences were astral. No, we will not go into the weird shit little Mara got up to.
It would help to know more of what you want to know? But…i mean, there’s dream sex, when you slip free and get it on in your sleep (which is what most of my experience is) and that can be hard to control if you’re not already a lucid dreamer. There’s projective sex, when you leave your body and bang one out on the astral plane. Projection is a bitch without a natural gift, a shit ton of luck, or years of practice. I’ve accidentally done it, maybe three or four times and cannot for the life of me figure out what I did to make it happen.
Then there’s the simplest, easiest way, which is sort of daydreaming with intent. You focus on creating an astral space around you and instead of sending your whole astral body out, you just send your mind. It takes some practice, but we all daydream, so it takes less practice than you’d think.
Honestly, if you can create a space where you’re comfortable getting busy and then summon/call a demon/spirit into that space, you may get some hot spirit tail. Again, practice is needed to get to the point of being able to sustain a space and allow a demon to act freely within it, it’s a fine balance, but you can get there.
Oh, and…if you want to seek out sex specifically, it helps to, uh, stimulate yourself while you’re sending your mind into the astral. Like energy calls to like, so it’s like flicking on a red lightbulb on the front porch, it lets the demons know you’re, um, open for naughtiness.
Lastly, i don’t personally think succubi and incubi are all that dangerous, but there’s hundreds of years of lore says otherwise, so take some precautions. There’s pelnty of lore about cambions and astral pregnancy, and astral STD’s are totally a thing. Cleanse before and after, and maybe put together some wards to keep ugly shit from clinging to you.
Good luck, friendo!
So yes, this thing. I’m going to out myself as a possibly crazy weirdo by commenting on this, but so be it.
Please do not read more if you hate hearing about weird God sex. I’m sharing these experiences because when I started having them I felt really vulnerable and kinda nuts, so if you’re feeling the same way right now? Welcome, this is for you. You’re not alone.
Hot mess of demon sex and UPG below.
I’ve been having kind of a lot of sex with Lucifer, Naamah, Agrat and Lilith lately. Most of it has been done via the “daydreaming with intent” method. How do you know it’s real and you aren’t just fantasizing/making shit up? Well, that can be hard, and to be honest, you can never be sure. But, if the things that happen in this astral daydream surprise you, and are not things that you willed, you’re probably on the right track. You shouldn’t feel like you’re in full control, you should feel like you’re interacting with another being that has a will of their own. You know. As in physical sex.
Stimulating yourself while going astral cruising is definitely a solid tip. Honestly every time I travel to my temple during a wank I’ve had somebody pop in to share the fun. I’ve even started referring to my vibrator as my “broom” because straddling it is so helpful for flying off to astral!
My succubi experiences have been energizing rather than draining, however… I have never actually cum during those experiences yet. But the succubi have. So this might be about me receiving their orgasmic energy rather than having them take mine. Just a hypothesis based on UPG. (One of these days, when I am feeling brave and have time to crash, I plan to test this theory and let one of them make me cum my brains out, although hopefully not my life and my entire soul.) Naamah and Lilith double-teamed me one time and very deliberately left me hanging in a dominant tease-and-deny fashion, which was frustrating and hot as hell, but it might also have been doing me a solid. (They also absolutely high-fived as they walked away from my bound and shivering astral avatar. It took me a little while to figure out that I could free myself using my will. Astral travel can be a bit like Neo trying to figure out The Matrix.)
Respecting succubi as powerful beings who have many domains other sex goes a long way. I made the mistake of sharing some of my succubi experiences with some occultist fuckboi, and he said something like “I’ve always wanted to bag one of those!” Ugh. No. Succubi are so much more than astral booty calls. In the case of the consorts, they are the literal queens of Hell. It’s best to approach them with humility and devotion and treat sex as an offering. Don’t make them want to eat you or inflict scary chronic sleep paralysis weirdness on you. I’m damn sure that the positivity of my experiences with them is because I am on their “team” as it were, and got to know them first before sending them the spiritual equivalent of a gross Tinder message. Have some respect, they’re infernal Gods for fuck’s sake.
I also want to mention that Lucifer, Naamah, Lilith and Agrat (I haven’t gotten down with Eisheth yet) are all creative, weird, profound astral lays. It’s gonna feel like more than getting off, and it might get a little scary. For example, Lucifer in the form of Baphomet absolutely broke my neck and flung me down a flight of stairs like a ragdoll one time, but it was fine because I instantly healed, and also it was hot to me because I’m a kinky disaster. They may appear in weird forms (see above). Their bodies, and your body, may work in weird ways because the rules of the physical realm do not apply. (Astral deep-throating can be REEEAAALLY deep, hooray!) Their genitals, or even your genitals, may be sort of… unexpectedly shaped.
More UPG– generally Lucifer and even the consorts are kind of worship-averse and don’t encourage submissive prostrations before them. However, they appear to be fine with it in the bedroom! This means my astral experiences with them have been an excellent and mutually enjoyable vent for my inevitable feelings of slavish adoration towards the Infernal Ones. In other words, kneeling to Lucifer seems to be perfectly fine as long as you’re sucking his dick.
I know this might sound nutso to some. But that said, there’s rather a lot of lore (witch’s sabbath, anyone?) about Satan and demons enjoying sex with human devotees. In fact, the only times Satan has ever asked ME for anything, it’s been sex. Your mileage may very, but it seems to be his preferred offering from me, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that. The lore would imply that I am definitely NOT.
Aaaand we’re back after more than a year for another installment of ‘Seven Deadly!’ Last time we took a look at Pride in all of its positive and negative aspects. Today, we’re going to talk about Wrath. I’m your host, Me, and joining us today is a special guest– My Temper.
If there’s one sin I’m guilty of– and there’s not just one, I’m very big on all of them– then it would be Wrath. Sure, I score pretty high on Pride, and I’m so devoted to Lust that I have a hard time thinking of it as a sin at all. But Wrath is the root of many of my problems.
It’s funny, because people don’t think of me as an angry person anymore. In fact, these days people are more likely to describe me as “patient” or “polite.” Frankly, that is the result of a lot of hard work, personal growth, and some good medication. Trust me, I wasn’t always so mellow.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I was an extremely angry person. I used pretty much every platform and excuse for indignation and confrontation you could imagine— from arguing on the internet to physical confrontations. I was mean, and I liked to get drunk as an excuse to be even meaner.
It’s tempting to make fun of that behavior now, but the truth is? I had a really good reason to be so angry.
(Content warnings for sexual abuse and trauma related things.)
You see, I had post-traumatic stress disorder from a kidnapping, and subsequent series of rapes, that I had survived.
I was terrified and I was suffering. I could barely sleep, I had flashbacks and nightmares all the time, I was plagued by paranoia and delusions that somebody was in my house. I slept with a knife under my pillow. Every loud noise and sudden motion startled me so badly that I often dissolved into tears.
The secret motivators behind anger are usually: fear, pain, or offended righteousness. I had plenty of all three. Anger was my only comfort. The only taste of justice I ever got was imaginary, and provided by my murderous revenge fantasies.
Anger was my armor. Anger was the glue that held me together when I was falling apart. You see, that anger, as excessive and overwhelming as it was, was actually the healthiest thing I had at the time, because it came from the recognition that what happened to me was not right. If I hadn’t been mad as hell I would’ve been sitting around in despair thinking I deserved it.
Anger is an energizer. When grief and depression threaten to drag you all the way down to the bottom of the pit, anger can pull you back up. When fear makes you feel small and helpless, anger can almost act as a substitute for courage. When the whole world is ugly and hopeless and unjust and wrong, your anger can feel like a beacon of hope, lonely though it may be.
Anger was my defense mechanism. I was weak and brittle. Small things could’ve broken me, so I lashed out at others before they got close enough to hurt me.
Anger was my reason to be. It was my morning coffee. It got me out of bed and semi-conscious after my insomniac nights. It gave me something to hold on to other than the horrors of what had happened to me.
Anger was the only expression of self-esteem (or Pride) that I had left to me. It was the only affirmation I felt worthy of.
Over time, my anger deepened, and festered, and fermented, and simmered, until it became something beyond anger. It became Wrath.
Wrath is not just irritation or getting a little bit ‘mad.’ Wrath is poisonous grudges cherished for years– and sudden, uncontrollable rages that flash out in an instant. Wrath is anger at its most powerful, and its most dangerous. Wrath is what you feel when you genuinely want to see someone else dead.
Some of you might be rolling your eyes right now, thinking I’m being melodramatic or reveling in my own edginess. Believe me, I am not bragging. The state I am talking about is not fun, it is not healthy. It is exhausting and it involves hurting everyone around you eventually. If you let it control you too much, it might get you thrown in prison or killed.
Wrath like that has one function and one function only: to get you through when nothing else can. It’s like a powerful battlefield adrenal useful for life-or-dead situations, but deadly over the long term.
Calling Satanists “reverse Christians” just because we believe in some of the same entities is like calling Christians and Muslims “weird Jews.” Sure it’s kinda funny, but it isn’t particularly accurate and reveals an ignorance of how religion works.
Church of the Morningstar 