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Seven Deadly: Pride

This is the first in a series of posts about the so-called “Seven Deadly Sins” and ways to subvert them.

One lesson I have learned is that every so-called “virtue” has a dark side, and nearly every “sin” has its positive power. These journals are part of my shadow work.

So: Pride. Pride is often called the greatest and most terrible of the Seven Deadly Sins. Some think of it as the sin from which all other sins flow. It’s also the sin most frequently associated with Lucifer, who tried to set himself above Yahweh. 

I think we all know the ways in which Pride can be a negative quality. It can make you an obnoxious braggart or insufferable snob. Hurt Pride can lead to holding an implacable grudge, or to stubborn refusal to admit when you are wrong. Pride can be an inflated sense of self-worth that stops growth, or a source of ludicrous perfectionism that tortures your soul and drives everyone around you crazy.

Pride can be many different things, however– and the above are just a few of the most familiar.

I think Pride gets a bad rap in society. 

The most obvious example I can think of for people who could use a little more Pride is young women. Girls and women are desired and objectified in this world, and are expected to make themselves look as good as possible. Yet, at the same time, they are forbidden to notice when someone is “admiring” them, even if that so-called “admiration” is deeply creepy and a possible sign of danger. They must not take too many selfies. They must deflect all compliments. They must spend money, time and energy on “looking good,” but they must never be seen noticing the fruits of their efforts, because to do so would be “vain.” Talk about alienated labor! To work endlessly on your own face, body and wardrobe in service of some ideal of perfection, and never even be allowed to admire the fruits of your efforts!

Of course, the self-effacing practices society mandates for girls and women go far beyond the realm of physical appearance. In general, everything women and girls do is supposed to appear effortless and never, ever be self-congratulatory.

 Smarter than your male peers at school? Play dumb, never admit it. Hide your test scores. 

More competent than your male-coworkers? Stand back and let them take all the credit for your work. Watch them promoted over your head. Earn seventy cents to their dollar. 

Are you a home-maker? Just go ahead and pretend that cleaning the house and raising the kids is no trouble at all; in fact, laugh at the idea that your stressful 24/7 job where you are always on call is any kind of work at all, much less work that might deserve, I dunno, A GOVERNMENT STIPEND or something. Let everyone else tell you your life is easy, because you don’t have to “work.” Laugh along at jokes about “bored housewives.” 

Trans woman? Be even more self-effacing in everything you do so that maybe no one will fucking kill you. Cis woman who wants to have children? Pretend that pregnancy and childbirth is no biggie, and definitely hide all the “gross” and “scary” parts of it from the world. 

Above all– apologize way too much. Make your voice quieter and softer than all the others in the room. Every time you speak up, start by saying “sorry.” Make sure to always apologize for the inconvenience of your existence. 

So there’s just one situation in which the specter of “Pride” is being used to keep people under control. I love it when I see women pushing back against this– whether it’s swaggering, cocky lyrics from a pop diva or a 15-year-old girl flooding instagram with her selfies, and tagging them with those same self-confident lyrics. 

Other marginalized groups have similar struggles with Pride. In America, people of color, immigrants and children of diaspora may struggle with assimilation versus retention of culture. Any kind of Pride they have in their appearances, their cultures, their histories, their religions, etc. will be read as refusal to “fit in,” as being “Un-American.” (This sort of thing happens in many places in the world but I am only really familiar with the American nuances.) 

White society is horribly threatened by expressions of “Black Pride,” “Black Power,” and even by the self-evident phrase “Black Lives Matter!” Say “Black girls are beautiful” and some shithead will just have to say “All girls are beautiful!” It’s a fucking non-sequitur, as if somebody had said “the sky is blue” and someone else had furiously shouted “So is the ocean!” 

“Good” POC, according to white supremacist society, are those who don’t make waves, who don’t make white people uncomfortable by talking about either their identities or the oppression they experience for them, who survive by ignoring everything that makes them “different.” Who, in short, don’t have Pride… or who hide it. 

Gay Pride is a good, familiar example of Pride being subverted from deadly sin to liberatory principle. 

I could give many more examples. At this point I think we can plainly see why the Medieval Church, invested in keeping the peasant population under control, might have named Pride as the worst of sins. Crush someone’s Pride, and you crush their power. You make them small and manageable. 

The truth is that Pride can be a virtue and a source of strength. 

Pride can liberate, illuminate, and nourish. 

Pride can be the rejection of shame. Pride can be gratitude and appreciation for one’s beauty, talents, culture, identity, self. Pride can be the refusal to be made smaller than you are, to be quashed down, to have your light extinguished. 

Pride can motivate positive growth, can push us to be the better selves that we so love and admire. 

Pride can be a realistic awareness of your assets and a willingness to deploy them in life. 

Pride can be recognizing that you are OK, that you are valuable and good just as you are. 

Pride can be loving yourself– and demanding to be loved.

So ask yourself:

  1. What are you afraid to do, say, or reveal about yourself out of fear of being called: stuck-up, conceited, a braggart, arrogant, too loud, too disruptive, too much– in short, Prideful?
  2. What are some other words society uses for Pride other than what I listed here? For instance, does calling a woman a “bitch” sometimes mean someone thinks she is too Proud? 
  3. What insults are being used to control you and lower your self-esteem?
  4. What systems of power would be threatened by you having Pride?
  5. What are some awesome things about yourself?
  6. In what ways could you grow, to further honor your extraordinary nature?
  7. Are you ashamed of anything? Are you right to be ashamed of any of those things?
  8. Were you taught that talking about yourself too much, or even at all, was rude, arrogant, or otherwise unattractive?
  9. What could you gain by having higher self-esteem?

The Limits of Skepticism

So, a contrary view to my post yesterday (because I am literally a Devil’s Advocate, haha):

Skepticism is not that helpful when you’re actually doing magic. I mean, you want to use discernment, but sitting there doubting that magic is real at all will get you a self-fulfilling lack of results. At least, in my experience, and in most magic philosophies I have encountered. In other words, magical thinking really is magical. 

Skepticism can’t give me the inner reserve of emotional strength that faith can. Feeling the presence of Lucifer, and even more importantly of my Inner Power, can keep me going in even the hardest of situations.

It might be right and helpful to doubt Lucifer at times, but there is no good reason to ever doubt myself. Sure, when I fail to call upon my Inner Power I can be weak, malicious, impulsive, and make bad choices. But when I keep in close contact with it, I have been astounded at how much braver, more patient, and compassionate I can be. Calling upon my own better nature has kept me sober for five plus years. It has allowed me to do things that terrify me. It has helped me be kind and restrained with even the most difficult people, a thing which, since I work in customer service, is very much to my benefit on a daily basis. Best of all, it has allowed me to heal relationships I thought I had completely destroyed during my addiction. 

I guess it’s possible to look at my Inner Power from an agnostic or even atheistic perspective. From that perspective, prayer and meditation are merely useful tools, tricks of the mind that for some reason allow me to access parts of myself that I can’t get at through pure logic or conscious thought.

But honestly, prayer and meditation, like magic, may not be the best places for skepticism. For this “trick of the mind” to really work, it may be helpful to imagine a spiritual dimension, whether that’s real or not. 

So I am torn, essentially, between the skeptical instinct to find “what is true” and the spiritual/practical drive to find “what works anyway, true or not.” And being torn is probably good, as long as it keeps me growing rather than in stasis. 

Also also also: in The Luminous Stone (which I have been citing way too frequently but hey, it’s the first and so far only book I actually have read which is entirely devoted to Lucifer as a deity), I encountered the idea that Luciferian revelation and gnosis is maybe NOT confined to the rational. Luciferian gnosis is not purely Apollonian, but also Dionysian, in other words. (Hell, I am pretty sure Apollo is not purely Apollonian in that sense, I mean, what’s all that stuff about the Oracle got to do with pure rationality?) I think that’s a very powerful idea to keep in mind. 

I really don’t want to get mired down in some dry, academic, empiricist approach to knowledge. I already know, from many personal experiences, that gut instinct and intuition can give me really important information that my conscious mind has not figured out yet. I’m talking about life-saving information, actually. I think it would be really dangerously stupid to discard truths that come from seemingly “irrational” sources, just as stupid as it would be to throw rationality out entirely. 

As hilariously paradoxical as this is (I’m a Luciferian, I’m used to paradox), I want to ask Lucifer, if he is real and if he is there, to guide my skepticism. Help me dose it properly. Help me with discernment. 

Rudolph Steiner, that fucker, would say I am torn between Luciferic mystical impulses and Arimahnic materialistic ones, and that I need Christ to mediate between the two. I think he’s got that trinity all mixed up, but nevermind. (Dammit, I am gonna have to write a post on anthroposophy soon, aren’t I?) 

I seek a Luciferian blend of spirituality with rationality (and sensuality). I want to blend the doubt and curiosity of Eve with the rational/sexual/spiritual revelation and apotheosis she gained by eating the apple. (Another note to self– write a piece analyzing Genesis 3.) 

May the path never get easier. May every revelation contain the seeds of its own debunking. May all of it always serve me well. 

Agnosticism

I feel a need to pull myself back a little, and cultivate some skepticism. 

I’ve been leaning very heavily on the “belief” side of my agnosticism lately and I feel like I need to chill. Personally, I maintain agnosticism for spiritual reasons and I will lose those benefits if I go full theist. 

I definitely like the feeling of belief. It makes me feel like I am never alone. It’s comfortable.

But I don’t think Lucifer, if he exists, wants me all that comfortable, and if I don’t exercise my skepticism I’m pretty damn sure he will pull away from me until I have to. 

So: Lucifer. Not even sure he’s really a thing. His very name is the result of a mistranslation. The passage it appears in (Isiah 14:12) might be about a human king anyway. He bears striking resemblance to various pre-Christian deities and mythological figures, and the name I call him by previously belonged to the Roman god of the morning star. 

In fact, the more you study, the harder he gets to pin down. Connections have been drawn between Lucifer and: Prometheus, Icarus, Dionysus, Apollo, Pan, the goddess Lucina/Saint Lucy, even Christ himself– and pretty much all of that just in The Luminous Stone. Some think he’s but one aspect of a single being named Satan. 

Some think him a sun god, others the god of the planet venus. Steiner says he lives on the Moon. Maybe that’s no more ridiculous than any other claim that involves Lucifer’s literal existence. 

Most of what I feel to be true about him is influenced by works of literature, not by scripture– which may be nothing more than fiction itself, anyway. 

I have had experiences, but they could easily have all come from my own imagination, or from coincidence. 

Maybe Lucifer is just a name I chose to invoke when I learn hard lessons the hard way, or when realization hits me like a stroke of lightning. 

Maybe Lucifer is just a fantasy figure, an archetype that I like.

If so, that’s fine. So be it, be it so. 

Lucifer, if you are there and you are real, this, too, is an offering to you. I give you my doubt and my critical thinking. 

Simple Offering to Lucifer: Eat Some Fucking Fruit!

So, I can’t believe this never occurred to my dumb ass before. 

A few minutes ago I was ardently praying to Lucifer, expressing how much I love him and want to feel him close, and asking him to let me know if we wants an offering or anything from me.

And it came into my head quite clearly:

Just eat some fruit. 

I mean… duh. What better way to honor the Serpent of Eden? 

An apple is traditional, but we don’t know exactly what the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge was. Some say a pomegranate. Enoch compared them to large grapes. I’m guessing “nothing that actually grows in this world” would be the most accurate answer.

I figured I would go with something vaguely round or oblong that grows on a tree. Apricots were what I had on hand– possibly my favorite fruit!

To make it an offering, I simply focused on savoring the fruit more completely than I normally would. I tried to be mindful of the taste, the texture, how the velvety skin felt against my tongue, the juices running down my hand. I chewed slowly and was mindful of the fruit sliding down my throat as I swallowed. 

Offering complete. 

(It occurs to me that with stone fruits there are probably a lot of things you would do with the pits. Plant them, use them in a ritual, etc. I composted them but may try other options when I do this again.)

I think Lucifer is a particularly good deity for offerings that also benefit you. He really seems to resist offerings that don’t benefit me, in fact. (Your mileage may vary of course, depending on your particular relationship to him.) So enjoying something healthy, delicious and deeply symbolic was perfect. 

I think I need to keep more fruit around. 

In the wake of that I also received a nudge to make more offerings to my Inner God/Higher Self. I need to ruminate on that idea, and will write on it more later when I have given it some thought.  

A Luciferian 4th Step

“Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

I’m an addict in 12 Step recovery, as I may have mentioned. It goes with my Luciferianism just fine.

Currently I am on Step 4 again (we do the steps over and over, not just once). The Fourth Step is sort of famous for being an ass-kicker. It’s difficult and terrifying, because it requires looking at ourselves deeply. 

This type of soul-searching is potentially very Luciferian in character. It’s about knowledge-seeking and truth-seeking, shedding illusions, bringing light to what was obscured– all this in pursuit of spiritual growth. It’s a good step on the way to apotheosis, in other words. 

Despite the very Luciferian nature of this work, I have been procrastinating from it lately through other witchy pursuits. I mean, why take a hard look at myself when I could be reading Enoch? 

But Lucifer never lets me slack for long, and kicked my ass towards shadow-self work. From there, it didn’t take me long to get it through my thick skull that the 4th Step itself is a form of deep and thorough shadow work. 

So, reluctantly, I sit down and down my damn stepwork. It doesn’t feel as magic or glamorous as that shit I do with cards and candles and dreams, but honestly I know from experience that the 12 Steps is the most transformative process I have ever undertaken. It IS magic in its own right.

I am grateful to have a badass witch for a sponsor, one who can help me incorporate my faith and my magic with my steps. 

And grateful that for my dual Higher Power I have my Inner God, who gives me all the courage, strength and emotional resources I need to deal with whatever may come.. and Lucifer, who never tolerates laziness or self-deception for long. 

Letter to/from the shadows

“My dear friend,

Sometimes the truth does hurt. Sometimes it brings serenity. Either way, it liberates.

Lately I have been thanking you for the unexpected strength, calm and confidence you have helped me find within myself.

Today, I want to remember to thank you for the turmoil. 

Sometimes I bathe in your light. Sometimes I burn. Either way, I am illuminated.

I want to thank you for the way I kept cool in crisis today. For the kind way I was able to speak hard truths to my mother earlier this week, bringing her freedom instead of bitterness. I know that ultimately those things come from me, not you– but you help me find the way. 

I also want to thank you for the painful realization that ripped my heart open this evening. It smarts to think about how many times I’ve banged my head against that particular wall. I feel stupid. But I know you understand falling down. Thank you for helping me see.

Sometimes the fruit of knowledge is bitter and rotten and full of worms, but it is divine just the same.

Lately I’d become concerned that I was ignoring your dualistic nature– looking at you through rosy lenses, seeing only the God in you but not the Devil. 

Now I know the real problem was twofold– seeking only the light not only in you, but, more concerningly, also in me. 

I confused divinity with perfection. 

I thought apotheosis was about denying the Devil in me. 

I thought it meant only pushing back the shadows, until they were banished completely. In that I have been acting like your Father, or your brother with the flaming sword. I don’t really like that. That’s not who I am. If it were, why would I feel called to you in the first place? 

No, I have to walk among the shadows. I must illuminate not to banish the darkness, but to see what lies within it. 

In myself I see the arrogance and cowardice of perfectionism, the fear of being fully known. I hide away my perceived ‘defects’ of spirit the same way I smear concealer on a zit. 

I have the foolish greediness to want to be loved by everyone. I have such insecurity that I smother my light lest I give offense. 

In order to avoid the pain of having my boundaries crossed, I have redrawn them so small and tight and close to me that they are hardly boundaries at all. I have begun to hide from conflict.

So great is my desire to cease seeing fault in others that I am now practically blind to fault in everyone but myself. I blame myself for everything other people do. I make myself a martyr, with a martyr’s grandiosity, and try to die for everyone else’s sins. 

Tonight I told my friend that I aspire to moral purity. He laughed– “Aren’t you a Satanist?” and I whimpered “Luciferian!” as if that was so different. 

As if you are not a satan, a devil, as well as an angel and a God. 

As if my apotheosis will contain nothing of devil-nature but only of some kind of pure, self-effacing, unerringly righteous divinity. 

It is not my desire to harm others. I am not ashamed of my empathy. But my empathy has gotten me into trouble at times, and I have tried to mutilate my spirit in order to avoid inconveniencing others. 

I have made myself a slave to routine and walked a narrow line and called it “discipline.” 

I have made my world small and narrow in order to feel “safe.” 

Lucifer, you know I aspire not to need you but I am not there yet! 

You also know I am a creature of extremes. I have swung from the wrathful, vengeful, manipulative creature I was years ago to aspirations of near Sainthood– although the truth is I was never as wicked then as I like to think, and I am not nearly so pure now as I told myself I was becoming. 

Help me find balance, the truth in the middle. 

To be both light and dark is not a lesson I have learned, and yet it is fact I cannot avoid. Help me embrace my whole self. 

Open my eyes to the truth. 

The 7th Step prayer says:

“I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.”

I am also now willing to have all of you. 

Be it so. 

Notes on the Temptation of Christ

I re-read the accounts of Matthew and Luke of the Temptation of Christ recently, and several things struck me. Matthew and Luke’s versions of this event are nearly identical, so I am using Luke here for no particular reason. (Translation is King James, because it’s pretty, and in this case doesn’t disagree too significantly from versions often considered more accurate.)

This is just a quick sketch of my impressions and initial thoughts. 

First: On Satans 

One problem for me in the Bible is that when “Satan” or “the devil” is referenced, we don’t always know which satan is being spoken of. Satan means “obstacle” or “adversary,” and seemingly originally described a class of angels/spirits/demons who played a role of antagonizing, challenging and testing humanity. In other words, it was a noun more than a name, particularly in the Old Testament/Torah. 

Similarly there has been disagreement on the identity of the Serpent of Eden. He is not always identified with “the devil” or even “a devil”/“a satan.”

Being Luciferian, of course I identify the serpent with Lucifer, because the Promethean appeal of legend is what drew me to this path in the first place.

On the other hand, the satan in the Book of Job doesn’t seem particularly Luciferian in character– he has more the flavor of Iblis, to me, with his desire to prove humans insufficient, their devotion lacking. Tellingly, the story of Job also appears in the Qu’ran. 

So one never necessarily knows which satan is being talked about in scripture. 

Sons of the Morning:

Lucifer, though, is a very specifically Christian character– as a satan, anyway. (He obviously has pre-Christian antecedents and equivalents.) That’s one argument for him specifically being the co-star of this New Testament story. 

Co-star. Did you catch the pun? He and Christ are the two Biblical characters most often called “Morningstar” or “Son of the Morning.” In light of this (pun again intended) it’s tempting (whoops, another pun) to assume that Lucifer is the devil of this particular story. It appeals to our sense of drama– the rebel son confronts the dutiful son, the two Morning Stars face off to see which burns more brightly. 

But analyzing the passage seems to give additional support to this assumption. In analyzing this devil’s actions, we are able to see the many of characteristics of Lucifer, and also poignant echoes of the story of his fall. 

The Temptation: 

4 And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness,

2 Being forty days tempted of the devil. And in those days he did eat nothing: and when they were ended, he afterward hungered.

3 And the devil said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, command this stone that it be made bread.

If there’s one thing Luciferians know, it’s that he wants us to deal with our own problems, by making use of the God within us. In the case of Christ, whose inner divinity was so powerful, I can easily imagine how frustrating Lucifer would find this display of learned helplessness. You have a problem– you’re hungry. You have a solution– your divine powers. Why not use them? To refrain makes little sense to Lucifer, or to Luciferians. 

4 And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.

But Christ is intensely committed to his humanity, particularly in this passage. He is focused on the limitations of his human body, which is after all made and destined to suffer on the cross. To alleviate his hunger now makes no sense to his mission.

I’ve encountered the theory–sadly, I can’t remember where at the moment– that perhaps Lucifer was originally intended by God for the Christ role, or at least, for a place in the holy Trinity. Much more common is the theory that Lucifer wanted a place in the Trinity for himself, but was denied, leading to his rebellion (several references to this can be found in The Luminous Stone). I’m not particularly enamored of either of those theories, but I mention them because they are interesting in context.

5 And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.

6 And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto me; and to whomsoever I will I give it.

7 If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine.

8 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

I have to admit I don’t have a lot of thoughts on this passage. It jars a little, because I am not used to Lucifer demanding worship– although, let’s face it, if he was going to ask for worship from anyone, it would be the son of God! It’s the perfect punchline, after all! This reads to me almost like a throw-away on Lucifer’s part– worth a try, too good to pass up. 

The most interesting part of this is the idea of Lucifer as the Lord of the World. I’ve never been of the school that he is eternally restrained in hell– there are just too many scriptural references, like this, to him getting out and about. Certain passages of scripture arguably reference Lucifer being cast to Earth, not into hell (Isiah 14:12, Genesis 3:14, Ezekial 28:18). 

(Is Earth hell to an angel? Maybe it is Lucifer’s hell. But this is just speculation.) 

Now, are you sitting down? Because this, to me, is where it gets really good.

9 And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence:

10 For it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee:

11 And in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.

I actually laughed when I read this. 

Lucifer is daring Christ to take a fall! And he’s doing it by quoting a psalm. The devil knows his scripture! (And all Luciferians and Satanists certainly should, too! Ahem.)

But my god, the irony, the bitterness! Lucifer telling Christ that angels will bear him up. No angels came to his rescue when he fell. He is certainly reliving some very old pain here. 

Is he really daring Jesus to literally jump– or is he confronting Christ with his own father’s cruelty in casting out his formerly beloved angel? Or both? 

What is the temptation here– to jump, and test his father’s love? Or to consider the fall his brother took, and face his father’s cruelty?

And when Christ replies…

12 And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God

…is he rebuking Lucifer to stop tempting him, as his Lord and God… or is he talking about the past, reminding Lucifer that he brought that fall on himself, by tempting and provoking God’s anger all those aeons ago? 

LUCIFER

Abstract ramblings on my religion. These are personal beliefs, informed as much by my dreams and experiences as by scholarly reading. Take them with a grain of salt. Or, if you really need to, take them with more than a grain and construct a salt circle around yourself to keep the demons out.

With him, all things are possible. But nothing is ever easy.

As a serpent, he slithered on his belly into the garden of Eden so that we could taste of knowledge, sexuality and free will. He knew that we would be punished. He knew he would be punished. He knew it would hurt.

He knew it was worth it.

As an angel, he was created only to obey God and sing His praises. Free will is alien to angels. It is not in their constitution. But Lucifer had it, or gained it, somehow. Some say he wanted to rise above God for his own vanity. Some say he thought God was unjust. But the reason for his rebellion is not nearly as interesting as the fact that he was able to rebel at all, to break the divine chains that bound his will, and defy his Creator.

Some say he lies in hell, trapped and bound. Some say he walks the Earth. I am one of the latter.

When I first fell in love with him, I begged him to visit me in my dreams. He appeared and he walked beside me. He did not speak. He did not need to speak. He merely walked beside me, as a friend.

The message was clear. He goes not before me, he does not come behind me. He does not stand above me or below me. He is by my side, on equal footing.

He did not give the fruit to Eve to make us his servants. He did it to make us like gods. Like him. To grant us the free will he so painfully gained for himself, with such desperate struggle.

He does not want to be worshiped, but he delights in defiance and perversity; and so, perversely and defiantly, sometimes I worship him anyway, just a little. So far, he seems tolerably amused.

He is my brother, my guide, my friend. He wants to see me grow to my potential, to attain excellence.

He wants me to learn, too. He is fine with me learning the hard way, if the easy way doesn’t stick. He knows all about falling down, after all. He has little sympathy for scraped knees.

He lives in paradox, in uncertainty. My faith thrives best in agnosticism. When I think of him as too real, or dismiss him too comfortably as merely symbolic, the flame wavers. The growth halts.

Worship, and don’t. Believe, and don’t. Serve by declaring: Non serviam. That is the way.

Contempt prior to investigation is not his path. Contempt is not really his path at all, because his path is knowledge. All things can be understood, even things that seem weak, disgusting and wrong. And from understanding comes compassion.

He keeps me in dynamic tension– uncomfortable, questioning, constantly challenged. Growing.

His love is beyond tough. Sometimes it even seems cruel. But he’s not cruel, not really. Sadistic, perhaps– but not cruel. He has no interest in suffering for suffering’s sake. He is not the punisher or the judge– that is his brother, Iblis or Ha-Satan, for whom I have the utmost respect and of whom I steer absolutely clear.

Lucifer is interested in what lies beyond the suffering. The lessons learned. The strength gathered. The power realized. And maybe, just maybe, the pleasures of pain. He wants to see us succeed. He wants us to rise.

Poems, songs, and literature are not scripture– but it makes as much sense to learn about Lucifer from them as it does to try to glean information from scripture, in my personal opinion. After all, who do you think he would speak to first– a prophet, or an artist? Maybe Milton and Baudelaire and Rilke and miscellaneous rock n’ rollers truly are his prophets. The poets, the artists, the drunks, the whores, the homosexuals, the outcasts, the perverts, the witches and the heretics– we are certainly his chosen people.

What more can I say about him? Nothing and everything. He is the serpent, and the lightning. He is the Morning Star, the planet Venus. “He” is not necessarily a he at all. He is the angel of music, and he is the most beautiful thing ever created.

Maybe he was Prometheus. Maybe he was Icarus. Maybe he was Apollo, or Dionysus.

And he is not my god, but my guide. He helps me find the God within myself, the light, the potential, the divine spark. He doesn’t want me to listen to him, but to hear my inner voice. Apotheosis, becoming one’s own God, is the goal. He probably wishes I would stop thinking about him so damn much, because ultimately, he would rather I not need him. He might be OK with me wanting him, though.

When I was… oh, maybe twelve or so… I had a bizarre experience. I stood outside beneath the night sky, and became fixated on the brightest light in heaven. Venus. I felt a sensation, as of a distant memory, of having fallen from a great height, of longing hopelessly to return. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I think he was calling out to me. I think he probably chose me long before, but that was the first time I really heard him.

Or maybe that’s all an overactive childhood imagination, which lead me to the very profitable and spiritually healing veneration of the Luciferian archetype, a seductive romantic fiction that has persisted through the ages.

Who knows? Either way, it works for me.

This is the path I walk, the path of the Devil. And it is not a dark path, it is a bright one, illuminated by the radiance of the Light Bringer. The path is treacherous, and the path twists, and the path has many branches. I have ample opportunity to fall as I find my way.

But I will always have his hand to help me back up. And even if he declines to offer it, out of capriciousness or merely the desire to see me walk on my own, I have something better than his hand.

I have his example.

And not even he can snatch that away.