Tag Archives: satanic

Skepticism Must Cut Both Ways

I haven’t made a long text post in awhile. This is because my life has been crazy– particularly my magical/spiritual/religious life. I’ve wanted to share about it, but have been too raw, and haven’t known where to start. 

So I’ll start here, with an important lesson I’ve learned. 

If you want to dabble in magic but have a healthy skepticism about whether this is all “real,” that’s fine. That was me for a long time. But there are dangers to this attitude, and I am here to give you a warning about it. 

True skepticism is open-mindedness. Think about how good science is actually done: you have a hypothesis, but you don’t wanna be too married to it because it will skew your interpretation of results. And if your hypothesis is wrong, you have to be ready to throw it out. 

If your hypothesis is “magic isn’t real,” magical experiments may prove you wrong. You ready for that? 

I’ve done some things not truly expecting them to work, or not expecting them to work very well, because I still felt foolish and thought I was probably kidding myself about any of this stuff being real. 

The problem with that is… what if it works? 

Are you ready for it to fucking work? 

If you go into a spell or ritual with too much skepticism, that means you may not be mentally and emotionally prepared for it to have real, powerful consequences. Even sending out a prayer that you don’t truly expect to be answered can have this effect.

And if you’re too cynical about results, you likely haven’t thought through all the potential repercussions, and that can be devastating. 

For example, I prayed for Lucifer to destroy all of my illusions. Yep, all of them. I’m an idiot. 

Just a couple weeks later I have quit a job I loved, and broken up with my boyfriend who I also love to pieces, because I became incapable of ignoring the ways in which those lovely things in my life weren’t healthy for me anymore. How much more in my life is based on beloved illusions? I may be about to find out, even though I feel like I’ve already lost pretty much everything I have. 

Are you ready for something like that?

Related, I did that Black Baptism in May. I did it in the spirit of occult experimentation, basically customizing a supposed Satanic Witch Initiation I found in Compendium Malleficarum. I had no idea if there was anything to it, given that there was a good chance it was just based on false confessions extracted under torture. So I decided to jump on that grenade– try it, and see if it worked. 

I still admire that reckless, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants spirit of experimentation that I had going into the ritual, and I don’t regret self-initiating and giving oath to Satan. However…

…did you know that initiation involves spiritual death? 

Yeah, spiritual death. Hard to describe if you have never been through it. Feels about as painful as it sounds. Imagine shedding parts of your identity that don’t serve you anymore like so much dry skin. Imagine suddenly becoming a completely different person, and realizing you need completely different things than you thought. 

Then imagine how painful that process can be for all the people around you. 

If your identity died and you were reborn as something new, would your old life be set up for that new person? Chances are, you just can’t know the answer to that until it happens. We don’t get to pick what we are reborn as. 

If I sound naive, chaotic and disorganized, it’s because I honestly am. I’ve been at this for a couple of years and have done a lot of reading, but I am not and never have been part of any structured magical tradition. The Devil is my initiator and he doesn’t always play nice. He also knows the only way I tend to learn is “the hard way.” I signed up to be repeatedly astrally gut-punched by Lucifer, and I knew he didn’t pull his punches, but intellectually knowing that and actually finding out how hard Satan can hit you are different things. 

So I am begging you, dear skeptics and cynics who like to do magic to see if it will work (but kinda don’t expect it to):

Be ready for it to go either way. Maybe nothing will happen. Maybe ALL THE THINGS WILL HAPPEN. You’ve got to be prepared. 

And uh, please don’t try my Black Baptism ritual, or any other initiation rite, until you’re sure you’re ready. It might change your life. It might change you. And it won’t necessarily start changing you right away, or change you in the ways you expect. When I did the ritual itself, I had a lot of powerful emotions, but I didn’t have any flashy visions, or hear the voice of Satan, or feel him touch me to leave a Devil’s mark. I thought maybe it had been nice and personally cathartic, but not magically effective. I was wrong. The Devil’s Mark is on me now, and I am still figuring out what that means. 

I love you all. Hail Lucifer and also Thanks Lucifer, You Absolute Motherfucker. 

Story Time

So, I used to work at a small, queer business that I really loved, and that has a lot of small, queer business-related struggles. It almost closed permanently earlier this year, and during that scary time I did a lot of money spells for it, and asked Satan and Naamah to protect and help the place. This is just necessary background info.

Fast forward to now. A couple days ago I got some VERY weird tarot cards that I was pretty sure weren’t directed at me. I did a reading from another deck to confirm, and they sent the same very strong message that didn’t seem applicable to my life: there was a backstabber, and a business was in serious danger. Since I’m self-employed and there isn’t currently anyone who can really backstab me in business, I was very confused about how this applied. 

I got on pendulum and Lucifer confirmed that the message was not meant for me, and was in fact meant for my ex employer.

I messaged my ex boss, who thankfully is a Thelemite and down with the woo, and told them that the Devil had a warning for them. 

They had a suspicion about who might be holding the backstabbing knife. Lucifer confirmed via pendulum that those suspicions were correct. They thanked me. 

Twenty minutes later an email chain emerged showing the exact guy implicated by the readings going behind my ex boss’s back and doing some really sketchy stabby shit. 

I am pissed of course, but also my mind has been blown once again by how fucking spot-on Lucifer always is. 

The Shy Silence of Mystics

It’s ironic, but the more my spiritual practice intensifies the less time I have to blog… and also, truth be told, the more sensitive I feel about sharing my journey. 

On tumblr it’s cool to believe in magic… but I don’t see a lot of people sharing about what happens when it WORKS. This is probably partly out of a fear of sounding cringe-y or crazy. At least, that’s the fear holding me back. 

The Infernal Gods are not silent or shy. Once you open yourself to them, they interact. They talk a lot. And in this culture we live in, steeped in the cruel silence of Jehovah and the ending of his miracles, it’s fine to pray to your God… but no one knows what to do if your Gods talk back. 

All this being said, I am going to try to be brave. I know there are other people out there having mystical experiences, who need the validation of reading about others going through similar things. I know this because I need that validation too. 

So I guess what I want to say in this post is– don’t be ashamed of your spiritual experiences. Practice discernment, yes. Keep some healthy skepticism in mind– with an emphasis on healthy. 

The important thing for me, always, is whether my spiritual practice is helping me or hurting me. As a theistic individual with an agnostic streak, that’s actually more important to me than whether it’s all “real” in an objective sense. (Although I get more and more unnerving evidence that it just might fucking be.) Are my conversations and interactions with Lucifer, Naamah, Eisheth and Agrat helping me become a better, more stable person and unravel the painful tangled threads of my own internal psychodrama? As of this writing, yes they fucking are. 

What isn’t helping me is shame and embarrassment about being so religious. And I need to get over that. 

Mother of Death

Hail Eisheth, clad in flames! Holy Mother of Merciful Death!

You teach me how to grieve. You teach me not to flinch. You teach me how to be without fear, and how to be full of love. 

Veiled leper, wife of harlots, stained with the blood of revolutions, your adornments are bandages and nooses, your kiss smells of sweet putrefaction. 

You are the life that springs eternal, the teeming maggots in the corpse, the red rose that grows on a beloved grave. 

You embrace the diseased, you kiss the syphilitic whores, you walk barefoot in the streets among the plague-bearing rats, your voice is the screams of the dying and the wails of the grieving and the kind, soft words of the chaplain. 

You are Sin and you are Death but your daughters are Compassion, Hope, and Life. 

Within your belly burns a star, the fire of rebellion and the will to justice. I felt it when you embraced me. 

Next time I will not recoil. 

Text on Eisheth Zenunim from The Zohar

A deep mystery is found in the strength of Isaac’s light OF
HOLINESS, and from the dregs of wine, WHICH ARE KLIPOT. One shape emerged FROM
BOTH, made of GOOD AND EVIL, male and female, as one. It is red as a rose and
extends to many sides and paths, HAVING MANY ASPECTS. The male is called
‘Samael’ and the female is always included within him. As on the side of
holiness, ZEIR ANPIN AND NUKVA ARE ALWAYS INCLUDED ONE WITHIN THE OTHER; so it
is on the Other Side, a male and female are included within one another. The
female of Samael is called a ‘serpent’, “a wife of harlotry,”
“The End of all Flesh” (Beresheet
6:13), and the end of days.

Two evil spirits cling together. THE ILLUMINATION OF the
spirit of the male is a thin light, NAMELY, ONLY THE SIX EXTREMITIES WITHOUT
THE HEAD. And the spirit of the female materializes in many ways and paths,
BEING AN ENTIRE PARTZUF, HEAD, AND BODY, FOR IN THE KLIPAH, THE FEMALE IS
LARGER THAN THE MALE. She cleaves to the spirit of the male, wearing ample
jewelry like an abominable whore standing on main roads and pathways to seduce
men. This teaches us that she values only those who start walking the path of
Hashem and are apt to fall into her trap. Therefore, she is viewed as standing
at the main (lit. ‘start OF’) ROAD TO HASHEM’S DEVOTION. BUT FOR THOSE WHO ARE
accustomed to the ways of Hashem, the whore is separated from them and has no
power over them.

When a fool approaches her, she holds and kisses him, and she pours him wine full of dregs and snake’s venom. After he drinks, he whores
after her. When she sees him whoring after her and turning from the path of
truth, she removes all the decorations she put on for that fool, AS WILL BE
EXPLAINED.

Her seductive features include her hair, which is red as a
rose, and her face, which is white and red. In her ears there are six earrings
of Egyptian fabric. On her neck hang all the powers of Eastern lands. Her mouth
is decorated by a small slit of a comely shape; her tongue is sharp as a sword;
her speech as smooth as oil; and her lips as beautiful and red as a rose.
Wearing purple and having forty decorations less one, she is sweeter than all
that is sweet in the world.

The fool follows her, drinks of her wine, and fornicates
with her. What does she do? She leaves him sleeping in his bed, goes up to
denounce him, and receives permission TO KILL HIM. She then descends ON HIM.
The fool awakes thinking of lusting after her, as before. At this point, she
has taken off the decorations and has become a mighty oppressor who wears a
garment of burning fire that causes great horror and frightens the body and
soul. That oppressor has horrible eyes and a sharp sword on which there are
bitter drops. The oppressor kills the fool and throws him into Gehenom.

Source: http://www.zohar.com/vayetze/samael-and-wife-harlotry (you may need to make a free account on zohar.com to view)

The “Wife of Harlotry” is Eisheth Zenunim (we know this because “Wife of Harlotry” is the translation of that name). She is one of the Four Angels of Sacred Prostitution and consorts of Samael, the Devil. 

I don’t have the receipts yet, but I’m thinking that this passage may have influenced Crowley’s conception of Babalon/the Scarlet Woman. So make of that what you will. 

Some see Eisheth as an aspect of Lilith, which may be true. But based on this passage I think Eisheth might be a LOT more important than I had initially thought. 

Quote

Lucius Catiline was a man of noble birth, and of eminent mental and personal endowments, but of a vicious and depraved disposition. His delight, from his youth, had been in civil commotions, bloodshed, robbery, and sedition; and in such scenes he had spent his early years. His constitution could endure hunger, want of sleep, and cold, to a degree surpassing belief. His mind was daring, subtle, and versatile, capable of pretending or dissembling whatever he wished. He was covetous of other men’s property, and prodigal of his own. He had abundance of eloquence, though but little wisdom. His insatiable ambition was always pursuing objects extravagant, romantic, and unattainable.

Sallust, Bellum Catilinae

Lucifer figure. 

Black Baptism

This is the ritual I did last night. I adapted it from the description of supposed witch initiations in Compendium Maleficarum. 

There is some language in here which is specific to trans people who want to use the black baptism as an opportunity to finally cleanse themselves of dead names. Feel free to alter that part, and any part of this really, to suit your individual needs. 

I really recommend taking your time with this ritual. Pause to pray or meditate whenever you feel the need. Get creative within the structure and do what feels right in the moment. 

You’ll notice that this ritual calls for a secret, magical name. So you’ll need to pick out your “true name” ahead of time. Do this carefully. I consider my true name to be the name of my Inner God. It was not chosen lightly. 

You can omit this if you want, and just use the name you prefer to be known by–but taking a new name in Satan is part of the alleged ritual this is based on, and it’s arguably the most important part. 

Re: water for the baptism– you could just use plain water but why not make it special! Mine was water mixed with ash from incense burned to Lucifer, with a dash of eclipse water thrown in and a Satanic rosary submerged in it. But that’s just because that was what felt right to me and what I had on hand. You do you. Go crazy. 

MATERIALS

  • Crucifix and/or image of Christ, rosary, other symbols of Christian faith
  • Bible
  • Candles
  • Incense
  • Fruit
  • Baptismal water
  • Incense ash from incense burned on your altar to Satan
  • Chalk or whatever you are using to make your circle
  • Bonfire
  • Piece of old clothing as offering

OPTIONAL MATERIALS

  • Altar
  • Wand or athame for signing of name in air (I used a pretty quill)

RITUAL

This ritual is to
be performed at 3am on the morning of a day of personal significance.

Before the stroke
of 3, start bonfire. Draw the magic circle. Have materials ready. It took me at least a two hours to get everything in place how I wanted, but my set up was a little more complicated than the basic one described here. (I set up a whole altar and elaborately decorated my circle with roses, rosemary, and candles.) Give yourself time. 

At 3am, step into
circle. Visualize it being filled with your own Darklight. Use this to
construct a ward. From here on in, nothing comes into the circle except you and
Satan.

Say:

This night, in the sight of Satan, I shall be born again.

Light candles and incense, and say:

Hail to thee, Lucifer, Lord of this world! Prince of the Powers of Air!
Son of the Morning! Liberator of humanity! Witness me as I pledge my faith to
thee, and help me make myself anew!

Throw crucifix on the ground. Say:

I deny the tyrant above. I deny
his sycophant son. I deny the holy ghost. I deny the so-called virgin mother,
and all of the angels, and all of the saints. They have no power over me.

Trample the crucifix. Spit on it. Do whatever feels right
to defile it. When you are done, fling it as far out of the circle as you can.

Pick up the Bible. Say:

I renounce this noxious book. The Tyrant Above is the true Father of
Lies. I denounce his teachings, and I deny everyone who tried to tutor me in
them.

Defile Bible. Cast it from the circle.

Get Baptismal water. Say:

I cast off, finally and forever, the false name I was given at birth,
________. I assume my new name, ______, openly before the world. I take into my
soul my true and secret name, the name of my God, never to be uttered aloud
where others may hear it and use it for power over me.

(Say the true/magical name aloud if you want, but only if
nobody can hear you. Like, for damn sure.)

Baptize self with water.

Remove an article of clothing and cast it from the circle.
Say:

As the snake sheds its skin, so I shed mine. I cast off the old on this
day, and profess, now and forever, this creed:

I believe in the cause of the Fallen Angels. I believe in the Serpent
of Eden. I believe in the Kingdom that is below. I believe in the God within
me.

Eat fruit, and say:

By virtue of the forbidden fruit, I am free. I am a sovereign soul on
the path to divinity. Knowingly and of my own volition, I chose to walk this
path with thee, O Satan.

May I be stricken from the Tyrant’s book! May my true name be writ
large in thine!

Visualize a book before you. Raise your finger (or wand, or athame, if you prefer) and write
your true magical name in that invisible book.

Say:

I promise to make my life’s work an offering to thee, and to the God
within me! I vow to burn thy incense, to light thy candles, to speak thy name
with love forever. Speak thou my name, with love, in return!

Never will I make confession to the Tyrant’s priests. Never will I take
the Tyrant’s communion. Instead shall I remember thy Sabbath, I shall gather
with thine other children, and I shall learn to fly to thee.

Make now thy mark on me!

Draw an inverted cross on your brow with incense ash to represent
the mark. Visualize that mark being made permanent on your astral body. (If
something else happens now—cool!)

Say:

Morning Star, be thou my light. Lord of this world, make me Lord of
mine. Raise me up, and I will stand, forever and ever, by thee.

Be it so!

After speaking these words, you may leave the circle. Collect
the discarded items, such as crucifixes and Bible and piece of clothing, to be thrown
into the bonfire.

Celebrate!

Oath

I deny the tyrant above. I deny his sycophant son. I deny the holy ghost. I deny the archangels and the virgin mother. They have no power over me. 

I believe in the cause of the fallen angels. I believe in the Serpent of Eden. I believe in the Kingdom that is below. I believe in the God within me. 

By virtue of the forbidden fruit, I am free. I am a sovereign soul on the path to divinity. Knowingly and of my own volition, I chose to walk this path with thee, O Satan. 

Morning Star, be thou my light. Lord of this world, make my Lord of mine. Raise me up, and I will stand by thee. 

Be it so!